MONDAY
hello world
been dug into my breakdown, tight focus right
everything needs work, ideas and narrative licks still popping
its a good draft but its not the draft
im into a little despair up in here
having trouble grinding thru the breakdown for the teardrops
when will this cursed thing be done
i wanted to be thru
i was looking for the draft not a draft
& its like no no no god not a draft the draft
feel like ive failed
in front of the whole world
cursed internet has only compounded
my exposure
oh well, moving on . .
got to stay real
despair aint real
determination is
finish the draft, fix what you can in the next month or so
we will see where we go from there
rickydoc
holding on
SUNDAY
hello everybody
i really owe everybody an apology
i keep saying ima do this and ima do that
with these posts and then i dont have time
to do nothing
except struggle w/this novel
which is beating me all about the
head and shoulders
let me take a moment to try to keep my chops in
and then i got to get back to work
first my daily rant against the bush administration
let me get that out the way
i have wearied of their incompetence
and i fear what they have done to america
they arent serious about governing and public stewardship
and we suffering because of it
they have willynillied into this arbitrary war
in which the goal apparently now is to support a iranian gendered shiite theocracy
until its strong enough to suppress folk on its own
then cut and run
and just hope the shiites are capable of hammering the sunnis into submission
and further radicalizing what had been a secular and sophisticated population
which did not support terror tactics and was adverse to its practitioners - before bush
this is a farce
let us leave aside the question of if they manipulated the american people into war on false pretenses (we know they did) lets look at how they have waged war,
its been just one big snafu after the other
waged war on the cheap, not enuf troops, didnt secure weapon dumps, wouldnt spring for armor, disbanded the iraqi army, tried to run iraq as a colonial fiefdom, gave permission to torture and otherwise abuse people, and they right casual about their collateral damage too, declared open season for vultues like haliburton, not enuf troops to hold ground bought w/blood,
when caught at abugraib instead of fessing up about condoning torture, they jailed the peons, and they used white phosphorous on people (chemical warfare however you parse it)
they and their iraqi allies have been guilty of all the human rights violations they now claim to be the reason we are there in the first place, we have been no better than hussein
and aint no telling what theyve done we dont know about
oh they have added all kinds of bad vibes into the world
like we didnt have enough real problems, they went out and just made a problem
invaded iraq for the hell of it
and they treating america the same way domestically,
bush would have killed social security if we had let him, why would anybody want to kill off social security, the only thing that stands between oldage poverty and a decent living for so many folk,
something that works to do what it was meant to do
hes destroying the environment, he spent up the surplus clinton paid for, hes stripping the american people of rights designed to protect them from the abuses of the powerful, the very thing that has defined america at its best, and through tax policies hes 'defunding' american government in order to enrich the rich, its doesnt make sense, the rich are rich enough and what is the point of killing off the government
defunding it, when the war in iraq and katrina and so many other pressing concerns evidence the need for a strong prosperous government every day
our own fundamentalists are more of a danger to us than iraqs are
and this darwinian every man and maybe woman for himself social compact they have forged, its amazing that they hate darwin so much while so gleefully playing out his observations
and not only did he ignore katrinas folk during the flood
except as politically necessary hes still ignoring them
let them eat gumbo is the bush clan motto
its an obscene philosophy of governing and it offends me
and nobody is doing anything for the sudan
nobody, ive tended to turn away myself because its so painful
to have to sit there and just watch it unfold
the world did not allow this to happen in the balkans
and i can only assume its because they were europeans
dead africans just dont count as much and everybody knows it
and even as i rail against the sudan i look at the conflicts all through africa
war and conflict and people dying and institutions destroyed
and wonder why this one bothers me so - for one, like the genocide in rwanda
overt attempts at genocide and ethnic cleansings disturb me
as does murdering a black population precisely because its black
(yes yes i know, w/an attendant array of economic, tribal, etc issue but primal point
being they are being attacked killed raped murdered and mayhemed
because they are black - if that dont irk me real deep in my soul that irks me)
was about to comment on haiti, another issue that really really irks me
and the global black community must do all it can for haiti but the bottom line
is that the haitians got to get their act together and god aint that the truth for
black populations all over the world and especially here in the americas
but you know when you go there the frustration level becomes acute cause
you know folk doing what they can and the fight there starts squarely with yourself
i am pretty on it but when i look at my life i have to face the fact that i have been slack
i have been my own worst enemy and im pretty competent at life
everybody struggling
everybody can do better
we have to, collective and individual responsibility
only way we gon get out of this historical trickbag
and i think on that note ima get back to work
and all this needs to be approached systematically, not just ranting, that
dont change nothing, i need to start on rickydocs state of the unity is what i need to do
my woodshed is coming to a close
already got tendrils pulling me into the schoolhouse
advisees calling & next semester gon be a hardgrind:
application (600 stories) & thesis (3) semester
and just got a call from the delta
my sister is blowing the chaos horn
rickydoc has got to go
supposed to be going to kenya on the 12th, will keep an online chronicle of that
but clearly woodshed is over, oh ima hold on for the rest of the year,
historically i generally finish the product about a week or two into the new year
and i count that as a win
but its no longer the unfettered days of woodshed, its back to fending off life
for writing time
oh i been dancing to my own tune and having myself a real good time
but anyday now its gon be time to pay the piper
all the life issues i have ignored for the last 9 months or so have reached
critical mass, i got to put out some brushfires w/the quickness
got to get on back out into the world
forget this post, im going to get some work done
these are the last days and times of my freedom
i been in my own little world
almost time to
come back to yours
my love to you all
rickydoc flowers
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