treading water

THURSDAY  3:45 am: palf killing my production
not a happy camper

read natreview article about racial polarization in campaign - article ask
why blacks can vote 90+ for obama and not be considered racist

while whites voting for clinton considered racist
i suspect it depend on what the call based on,

obamas call is based on trying to move beyond, clintons call is coded on exploiting racial resentment

kinda like reverend wright

if blackfolk were voting for rev wright in numbers then youd have a case - but they not, they voting for obama, they voting for a different way

one america ought to be encouraging
i sure am

the party concerned that some folk wont vote for obama in nov no matter what
others say the party cant proceed by appealing to diehard racists on their terms

as for monolithic black support it doesnt just happen, didnt happen for al, in fact
i believe the last recipient of big black support was bill clinton

it has happened here because of the quality of the vehicle, obama
the real thing - black or white, obama the real thing

folk keep talking about the whitefolk he dont got
while overlooking all the ones he do

in november we will lose the racists but we will gain the independents
id rather have the independents than the racists on my side anyway

make us stronger to dump them - make our
policies and compromises wiser

and while i will assume that i will have troubles w/obamas policy positions
and that there will be times that his policies will break my leftwing heart

i take him to be a sincere good man capable of growing into the job and if the quality
of his campaign vs clintons is any indication, a damn good organizer

competency - just what we need after 8 years of bush
that he black just a little icing on the cake

btw: if obama is nominated, his acceptance speech will be aug 28th
the 45th anniversary of kings i have a dream speech - deep

im gone, got to get some palf letters out

get that out of the way i can clock some pages
or should i clock the pages 1st - letters kinda critical

do the letters, get
them off my plate

not a happy camper

rdoc




WEDNESDAY 2:00 am: another day another paragraph

way to go obama, took north carolina, lost indiana by no
more than can be accounted for by mischievous republicans

also good news the louisiana dem the repubs targeted
by linking him to obama won his race too - cool

i expect to see movement by superdelegates
trying to put this puppy to bed, but then again

been there done that, lets
see what the clintons try next

this been a helluva ride hasnt it
and we assume its only just begun

may the gods be good to us

rdoc




TUESDAY  10:31 am: disaster, been kicked
back into yesterdays page,

got to work my way back to todays page
got to move forward at least a page a day, at least

40 pages thats 40 days, 1st half of the summer
can use the 2nd half polishing

btw: i was thinking, if obama doesnt get knocked out of the box today - then this tempering by clinton will have been beneficial, because

those folk he courting now are the folk he will have to court
in november, hillary has run the gamut on him

if he survive tuesday he will be better prepared
for what the real dogs of the earth gon throw at him

hows that for a positive read
im gone - yesterdays page

can you believe that - what a
revolting development this is



TUESDAY  9:17 am: clocking words
about a paragraph worth, so far so good



TUESDAY  6:58 am

well here i am again, sitting at the sacred desk and struggling w/the page
you keep hoping you will reach a point where you just coasting

but every morning its the same old thing, a big narrative mess that you got to wade through, trying to make it work

mostly what im doing now is moving segments around, trying to make it work - and struggling with that last 40 pages endgame

struggled all day yesterday - i mean struggled, it was a rough day really rough - got about a page done, which is cool, basically thats a good day,

actually thats a very good day, but not for a man as desperate as me

mostly im longhanding those last 40 pages, 1 down 39 to go - two pages would have been more wonderful more really really wonderful

but instead of struggling with the page all day all day all day

i gave the evening to palf - buddy of mine chastize me about that the other day,
say they would have said no, i explained to them im of the line of o killens

ima organizer, a literary organizer, like john o killens taught me - could no
more pass on palf than paul robeson could, langston, zora, ishmael or babajohn

organizing/empowering writers of african descent around the world
building a global an afroworld literary infrastructure(s) - be still my beating hearrt

as you may know i think writers and literature one of the most powerful forces on
the planet - unto each an army - i love organizing them, empowering them

i love building blackworld infrastructures
that come under heading: the good life

im just thankful jeff ask me to play a role
good longgame is intoxicating to old player like me

i still got it, still capable of answering when the warhorn call, still got a good campaign
or two left in me, just hope palf can deal w/my prima donna ways,

jeff, mohammed and jp, they young, they can afford
to sacrfice a project, i cannot, not at this point

literary organizers, you figure over a lifetime they have
sacrificed at least one major project that could have been

a lifetime of struggle as a literary organizer has cost me
i figure at least one novel, got no more to give

i hear that clock ticking - these youngsters they
dont have the faintest idea what im talking about

tick tock - got to use my remaining time my
dwindling energy wisely

told jeff it would be mornings/afternoons rest for the weary
afternoons/evenings palf

rdoc

doing what i can

a luta continua

gotta go

working day hasnt even started
and im already tired




MONDAY

hello worlld, not much to say today, lets start w/a
useful article, 100 driving tips for saving gas

save you more than that holiday tax, okay

artist zenobia bailey, knitting and crochet, those
her pieces, like afrospiritual mandalas

ima feature her work this week in gallery de rootsblog

that might be it for today, stepping back from the primary
i keep ranting, frothing over hillary or wright, whatever

then somebody like adam banks embarrass me with
the more measured approach befitting a conjureman

got to keep my magical perspective
cant be wallowing about in the mud

caught up in the passions of the moment
what kinda hoodoo is that

finally started working novel this morning, been spinning
my wheels last couple of days, then i realize

i got that woodshed entry fear, that fear that this effort will
fail, and it will be proven once and finally

for all that im not the writer i always hoped id be
that i just dont have a big novel in me

that can be crippling if i let it - just articulating it send shivers down my
spine - accept the fear rick, and ignore it, just

concentrate on putting the hours in, 6 to 9 hours a day keep the
blues away (then i can do palf - no novel no palf)

but when you start an effort like this you by definition in a failure mode

you starting from a dead stop and you got no momentum no juice
and all you can see is day after day of challenge and disciplilne and all

you got to show is pages and pages of last draft manuscript that aint working
now and the challenge gon be making it work and you full of despair

but you just ignore that too - moneydraft do or die - masterpiece or
farce this novel getting done, gon show them all

rickydoc been down, folk think i been
bullshitting, folk have writ me off in

the literary world, i will
show them all

i am rickydoc flowers

wouldbe novelist of historical
stature and significance

my will be done