it was babajohn killens taught me to be a visionary, in his name i hope to be a good one

SUNDAY

my apologies for the tirade yesterday, i had just broke my novel down and was feeling panicky
ive chilled, will probably edit out all that cussing, will just have to hold my nose and hit it again

babajohn reminded me to be patient - patience puppy he say - every writer got to learn patience

SATURDAY

dug into rewrite, the breakdown old manuscript phase, which basically entail going passage by passage
and determining what it needs to go to another level, which mean im focused on the weaknesses of each passage

which means i am embarrassed i sent this out, god how could i have sent this to ellen, and when does it stop
god help me will this piece never work - and dont bother telling me just let it go - fuck you, it aint going

nowhere till its right, fuck you, fuck everybody, fuck the world - you have no idea the pressure im feeling to

be thru w/this thing  -  but i had always scheduled another draft, so back up off me world

supposed to go to the city for today, will go to see babajohn, i need some fortitude, i need some help

 

FRIDAY

hello karen, those props on the obsessive line caused me to facebook/twitter it, thanks for pointing
out a goodun, hope new novel is coming along well, hope you getting good props on grace

as for you world, slowly digging into rest, doing a lot of thinking this phase, the dreaded macrothought, came up w/a
good way of giving some of my students props, think ima have him training some hoodoo acolytes

i got this habit in my narrative of naming people, i picked it up over the years and some of my 1st readers
complain but the agency reader said it was because of my immortalization trope - im immortalizing them

which is exactly what i call myself doing, mythwork, call myself writing work that will speak to generations ages upon ages
& its like the folk in the bible, we only know them because they in the bible, in mythic context - thats my frame of reference

its so amazing when folk read into my work stuff that i did not consciously put there but when they point it
out im like yeah, that works, now that youve pointed it out ima consciously play it instead of having it playing me

thats what this draft is for, metaphorical structure, controlling anything thats out there wildchilding, taking control to
another level, which of course opens up more uncontrolled inferences, but on a deeper level - i will take that

mikael pointed out a couple of things i was like o, i firmly believe that so im not surprised thats there

but i didnt consciously put it there - so far its all been stuff i dont mind claiming but its pretty
inevitable that folk who dont love me like my 1st readers do will point out inferences that make

me cringe, such is life in the literary lane, thats why you have 1st readers,
they tell it to you in such a way make it sound like a virtue

they do it with love - makes all the difference in the world

 

 

WEDNESDAY

once again i am consumed with fear, apparently i am just a fearful kind of guy
im about to start what i hope will be the last real push, novel basically works

this time im going for depth & substance, for metaphorical structure & narrative grace
this time i want to go deep & clean up weaknesses, this time i fear i will fail &

deep aint in me - true literary grace has so far eluded me - what i have to do is
divorce myself from the product & trust the process - win or lose ima do this

 

 

TUESDAY

hello world, ive been dug in on the rewrite of mojorising, still on the initial 10 pages, have decided to put it down
and get back to work on next rewrite of rest for the weary, ive been off a week or so, its cold enough

1st thing i have to do is breakdown old draft

i tell my students all the time, a real rewrite is not a nip and tuck, got to break manuscript down and rebuild it
so 1st step will be to read thru it, and break it down -  takes about a day of good hard work,

then i will take care of some business while internal computer playing with it, get started next week, i feel strange not working on it, it tickle me when folk accuse me of being obsessive, of course im obsessive,

it requires an obsessive personality to write a novel amidst the distraction of life

SUNDAY

okay, 10 pages a day was kinda optimistic, i did 10 the 1st day so i thought that was my standard but i didnt
get but about 3 yesterday, if that many - so i will have to see what my standard is, more like 4 i think, after a

week or so of work i will average out my daily count - whats interesting is that Mojo Rising not as bad as i feared
its mostly just wordy, this time im going w/an elliptic approach instead of trying to teach and preach

so many times in old draft i would have one nuggest of authentic spiritual/magical insight then bury it in verbal
pablum - which when you trying to deal with the spirit and illumination et al can get tedious real quick

too often i sound like one of those one uplifting thought a day calendars - which reminds me that the industry
wanted to make it a gift book, market me as a (more) colored depak chopra, i also remember i was tempted

im kinda enjoying the rewrite because now i remember what i was trying to do with that book and
i feel good working on a book again, i dont feel right when im working on short stuff, ima bookman

this article on why gores leadership of green movement has been a failure was provocative,

it basically said because he is the kind of leader who does not practice what he preaches, he lives jetset
but asks 'regular' folk to sacrifice and live lives of reduced consumption while he doing conspicuous

folk who wouldnt generate his own annual carbon footprint in their lifespan, article says gore has a bigger carbon
footprint than entire villages in the thirdworld and that there are certain hypocrisies that leaders cant do

i have always been aware that as a writer i have more personal life leeway than say a preacher or a politician
if it became public knowledge  that i smoked marijuana (theoretically of course) it would not be fatal

but if i was to say do an ad for walmart i would lose points - rickydoc flowers buys his ink at walmart, so
should you  -  i remember babajohn used to tell us a writer should never sell your name, thats all you got

and as you know dear reader i aspire to the prophetic, and it has not been a very sucesssful aspiration
in rest for the weary i speculate that that is the nature of authentic prophecy, which is what i guess this

guy is saying, but ima quote him, cause i assume you dont follow all my links so this one i will give you the moneyshot - its the last paragraph that speaks to me, ima put it on my writing wall, but i want his leadin too

i assume i dont have to literally live in the wilderness but i do have to live a life commensurate w/my values:

====================

"You are asking billions of people, the overwhelming majority of whom lack many of the basic life amenities you take for granted, people who can’t afford Whole Foods environmentalism, to slash their meager living standards.  You may well be right, and those changes may be necessary — the more shame on you that with your superior insight and knowledge you refuse to live a modest life.  There’s a gospel hymn some people in Tennessee still sing that makes the point:  “You can’t be a beacon if your light don’t shine.”

St. Francis of Assisi understood the point well.  Taken by the Pope on a tour to see the treasures of the Vatican, St. Francis was notably unimpressed.  “Peter can no longer say, ‘silver and gold have I none,’” smiled the Pontiff, referring to the story in the Book of Acts that recounts what St. Peter said to a crippled beggar asking him for alms.

“Neither can he say, ‘rise up and walk.’” replied St. Francis — quoting what St. Peter said as he miraculously cured the beggar of his affliction.

You can sit on ivory chairs with kings in their halls of gold, participating in the world of politics as usual, or you can live with the prophets and visionaries in the wilderness, voices of a greater truth and higher meaning that challenge the smug certainties and false assumptions of the comfortable, business as usual elites.  You cannot do both."

 

Comments

[Karen Simpson]

"It requires an obsessive personality to write a novel amidst the distraction of life"

this is the truth..I'm constantly being accused of being obsessive like thats a bad thing when it comes to writing LOL

Karen

[nanakwame]

You have a great weekend. Remembrance is a ritual of faith, if it takes a little irrationalism, nothing new. We would not have gotten this far w/o some, that is for sure.