SATURDAY
i dont get no respect
ive put some thought lately into why i dont get no respect
at least not like i want it
when i speak of defying literary and political establishments
im speaking of black literary and political establishments -
which treat me sometimes as if i dont exist
and i think im so sharp on the money in my observations
and the quality of my mack, that it perplexes me sometime that i dont get no play
i do carry some baggage
not satisfied with being a regular anything
dont want to just be a writer, i want to be a great writer
dont want to just be spiritual, i want to be a great hoodooman
a prophet of the hoodoo way
and i dont follow the party lines, for instance i think reparations is fools game
and aint gon let nobody bogart me into saying otherwise (people try to all the time)
as a conjureman i been trained to force reality to adjust to me
instead of me adjusting to reality - so im often out of step w/everybody else
and when people ignore my little strategic advice i have to accept that
im so far out ahead of the pack that being disregarded comes w/the prophetic territory
buked, scorned or ignored, i got to be willing to stand my ground
thats the way i conjure
so i accept that, future generations are my primary audience
but it would be nice to get some play in my lifetime
be nice to get paid - just enuf to not always be on the edge
but its the game that drives me
and it aint in me to pander
to nobody
so my work be carrying a lot of baggage
and i got to assume that the craft just aint been strong enuf
to carry all that baggage
well im constantly trying to grow as a literary craftsman
i believe i got the hang of it with this one but we shall see . . .
hopefully im a late bloomer
and it dont help that im so godawful slow, too many years between works
what can i do - i got to do 20 rewrites before a passage sing like i need it to sing
seems under pressure ive fallen back on old habits
working strictly on the computer now, gon back to old routine of longhanding
only when its a special passage requiring special richness
cause right now im driving for a draft and im taking no prisoners
im tired of no respect, got to get this novel done
im working hard now and it feels good but i can hear the clock ticking
i got about 8 days before i simply have to come back to earth
ima desperate man
FRIDAY
graduation 01/05/06: lou rawls
a smooth and silky bluesman
ima die trying
hoodoo colleague of mine, j sean callaghan
sent me cee los latest album the soul machine
ima fan of cee lo, found an album of his at the library
love superchicken - so i was pleased to see it
listening to piece on it called - die trying
and it really speaks to some issues i been struggling with
wondering if my black nationalist worldview is outdated
and if thats the reason i get no play in the world, that im out of step
with the multicultural times
and i try to be progressively black nationalist but my black nationalism
is nonnegotiable - im a child of the 60s and i just dont know no other way to be, ima race man - i got a people to save
been intending to read and comment on appiahs recent piece in the newyorktimes magazine - the case for contamination - which obviously raises some of these issues
one of the primary tensions confronting us as we adjust to the 21st century
woodshedding today so wont be able to do that until later this evening - assuming i have a good work day
but listening to cee los die trying put it on my mind
thats the way i feel - ima die trying
got this one refrain where he say:
so sincere my eyes begin to swell up and tear
and its clear my music may not do that well up in here
o my god
being a nigger must be a good paying job
with all the fringe benefits ignorance is bliss
there is a time and a place for everybodys taste
but i know too much and i owe too much
theres no way, theres no how that i could stop now
ima die trying
THIURSDAY
in the zone and clocking pages
now thats what im talking about
and you know i cant really begrudge the medgar evers folk they little invitation
7 straight invites over a 20 year period is a pretty good run
but reasonable responses to perceived slights dont get no novel wrote
i'll show you works every time
later
WEDNESDAY
stonewalling literary disrespect
last couple of days i been taking care of business
dusted off the old palmpilot and start listing 2 be dones
been doing ideological maintenance work, been preparing for schoolhouse duty
been getting back into the world
went into the office to check my mail
and had a flyer for the 2006 national black writers conference at medgar evers
they didnt invite me, this is the first time since john o killens founded them
in 1984 i believe (7 conferences) that i havent been invited - ohwell, i knew it was coming
last couple of times ive had to 'remind' them to include me - shame them into it
probably could call them now and shame them into it but im tired of that
im tired of begging
last time they invited me to do the invocation - but we cant pay you arthur
because we are only paying panelists
i was pleased at the recognition of my hoodoo moves but put out that i wasnt
put on a panel - i got theory, i got mack - and a history there, john o taught there, so did i
adjunct to be sure but me and nunez boldly called it the john o killens chair
this reminds me of john os downhill slide in his later years
part of my mission is to keep johns rep alive, to represent . . . .,
but my rep declining just as precipitously as johns did if not worse
its like i missed the brass ring and am no longer considered a contender
for 13 years i followed john o killens from school to school as his literary rep declined,
from columbia to howard to bronx community to medgar evers - his final resting place
prestiqewise medgar evers was a big drop from columbia
but john o flourished there, not only was it his own brooklyn neighborhood
it was a crossroads of the blackworld and all these diasporic dynamics played out there
i called it the gathering place - and baba john was its master griot -
me and medgar evers go way back
cant blame the world for disrespecting me, they dont know me, they dont know how
hard i work, how serious i am about what i do - the medgar evers crowd does
disrespect in the world i expect - disrespect in my line
that gets me every time - you try to roll with the punches but sometimes it hurts
so much for the mec connection, got to put them on the i'll show you list
the very long i'll show you list, damn near everybody in the literary world
on that list these days
but my response to literary disrespect is pretty consistent, i work harder
good news or bad, the response is the same - work harder
and on that note im going back into the woodshed, ima stonewall this
last week or so before classes start and full court press rest for the weary
who knows how much traction i will get out of that
i got the fire in me and im looking for the zone
means when classes start ima be stone scrambling
but hey - an extra week of woodshed - for that i will pay any price
my apologies to folk who been expecting me to get back in the saddle
and fuck you to the folk who dont
rickydoc aint done
i am a conjureman
i defy the literary establishment, the political establishment, everybody, i defy reality
im gon continue to conduct myself as if i am in truth
what i aspire to be
a prophet of the hoodoo way
one of the worlds great writers and thinkers
a spiritual founder
i expect reality to yield to my will
i am a conjureman
TUESDAY
turn the light on
lobbyist jack abramoff pleads guilty
this gon be good - this gon be sweet
crooked congressmen gon be scurrying like
roaches when the light comes on
and most of them repub leadership
between abramoff and delays plays
the scent of k street scandal done got funky
democ talking points:
- pay-to-play
- a culture of corruption
this gon be real good
rdoc
beale street below
beale street has died 2 or 3 times
the redlight beale of the early 1900s was killed off by boss crump
and the colored beale street of my segregated childhood died
of integration and urban renewal - lined w/bars, jooks, eateries,
pawnshops and professional offices, old beale street was one of the
playgrounds of my youth
this article tells of anthropologists doing the historical preservation thing
finding bordello artifacts from early 1900s beale
but what interest me is they found brick sidewalks buried
6 feet under ground,
its like the old beale street is still there under that
disneyland bealestreet they got now
thats an image i might be able to use in
rest for the weary
update on the sudan
darfur crises continues to fester
civilian deaths in nov twice that of deaths in oct
tensions between chad and the sudan continue to grow over
accusations of supporting each others rebels
rebel groups in the sudan continue to fight
amongst themselves, hindering their cause
this has been the historical weakness of black resistance
to arabic hegemony in the sudan
the perennial question of solidarity
we got to flip that script
see if we can find some fissures to exploit
amongst our enemies
turabi and bashir will do for a start
MONDAY
gearing up for 2006
back from the continent
havent checked my emails yet
im taking a couple of days off before
digging in for 2006
2006 gon be rough on the old rootdoctor
i am not willing to cut back on novelwork
so ima have to find me some more gears
to address all my responsibilities this year
- got to finish newdraft of rest for the weary
if anything im more desperate now than i was before
im so close i can smell it
- got to draft divination structure for the hoodoo book of flowers
worked on it some in lamu and it was sobering
to see how much of old draft did not stand the test of time
- schoolhouse gon be rough this semester
two workshops, application process, 3 thesis and innumerable recommendations
- taking two labor intensive classes this semester
a sculpture class - i like working w/my hands (been working on a legba figure for a year now - a houseguard - been thinking about doing a baobob bottletree - takes me forever cause bronzework is very labor intensive and i got to use most of my discretionary time on novel)
- and a computer graphics class - got to get my webpage skilz professionalized
got to rebuild rootwork.com and bring it up to speed
- got to take the hoodoo way to higher ground
i have not been giving THW its necessaary attention while in the woodshed
all of my ideological projects have suffered, i got a lot of catching up to do
- got to followthru on hoodoo secret societies initiative
probably my most challenging task of the moment
trying to shapeshift a spiritual tradition is real Work
- gon be more aggressive about getting my empowerment strategies
into the african american dialogue this year - talk about real Work
shapeshifting a people is even more challenging
- got to maintain newren workshop
institutionalize it and forge the next generation
- got to followthru on my commitments
to the page folk and my kwani family
- got to really get busy w/the gymwork
and addressing health maintenance concerns
- got to be more diligent with my
family communications (and ms turbee)
- be nice to clean up my finances this year
but i dont see that happening until i get
paid for rest
- got to regularize rootsletter
and whittle down ponderous mailing list of some 4000 folk
a 1000 of which probably consider me something akin to spam
got to get rid of everybody who is not EAGER to hear what i have to say
right now everytime i make a controversial statement (what other kind are there)
i get a slew of please removes - im tired of that
- and got to get back in the rootsblog groove
havent been keeping up like i like cause i been deep in
the woodshed and its all been about rest for the weary
but im concerned that my posts have become too self
referential lately
at the sametime its the personal nature of my voice/weblog
that provides my online niche - i got to be real and true to me
i cant compete w/news organizations and fulltime sites
like black commentator or chickenbones (fundraising links - ujaama)
its my literary voice and my hoodoo worldview that im selling
in the online marketplace of ideas
i got to strike that balance again
start monitoring news sources, weblogs, websites & mailling lists again
at the same time ive been putting more time into rootsblog than
will be available once i go back to work
ima have to be real disciplined this next semester
cause when i get to the summer woodshed
i want to have done another draft of rest for the weary
so summer woodshed will be strictly polish, strictly moneydraft
putting the poetry on it
also i want to keep growing as a teacher of creative writing
which means in addition to giving studentworks adequate and even
exemplary attention, i got to gear up my reading of shorts and novels
and craft and theory - fulltime job on its on - as is novelwork, webwork
and all my other projects -its like i got 4 or 5 full time jobs and the
schoolhouse is the only one that pays hardcash (bless you syracuse university)
and i got to give bonnie her due
thats another full time job
domestic tranquility is a wonderful thing
long as bonnie happy im happy
otherwise spring 2006 gon be a hardgrind
just thinking about it makes me tired
im weary in my bones tired
heard this great blues last time i went home for christmas
singer say she saw santa hitchhiking christmas eve
he shivering and crying, she gave him a lift
santa say his sleigh blew out, rudolphs nose went out and
the rest of the reindeer went back to the north pole cause they claim
they wasnt making enuf money to be out here running around in this cold
santa ask if he can get a ride, my feet hurt he say
i been walking all night, cause old santas got to make it
the whole world is depending on me
i feel you
makes me reconsider rest for the wearys original title
no rest for the weary
but one does try to stay positive doesnt one
rest for the weary it is - thats what i want it to be
okay rick, you need to focus, let me see now
whats of interest to me at the moment
civil liberties and executive war powers
what about bushs claim to be able to circumvent any law
because of executive war powers
expanded war powers are often assumed by presidents and civil liberties
abrogated in times of war - said war powers to be relinquished when war is over
but this 'war on terror' will be going on for decades if not generations
executive war powers are for hot wars, not cold ones
to accept bushs claims to be above the law means he is the law
some emperor or dictator who can do as he pleases
i dont think so
bush has obviously decided to stonewall questions raised
by his domestic spying
good - that will keep it on the front burner for awhile
what else
another quickie or two and im out of here
assumptions in new orleans
cant testify to this but it
seems that the deaths in new orleans were not as racially determined as we thought
seems black/white death percentages pretty much reflected population
seems the more common demoninator was age
this is an opportunity to strengthen progressive alliances
before it was just blackfolk howling about blackfolk suffering
always good to broaden your coalitions
make common cause, make it a human rights issue
instead of a racial one
okay what else
i guess thats it for the moment
impatient to get some project work done today
clock a minimal 3 on rest
w/the kind of load im going to be carrying this semester
these posts are going to have to be ever more disciplined
be well yall
good luck in the coming year
rdoc
awaken the sleeper
protect the weak
guide the strong
(note: i may do a post on where im coming from w/that little mantra of mine -
obviously ive decided to use it repeatedly until its a recognizeable
part of my vision - its meaning is pretty self evident but theres an interesting story
behind what im trying to do w/it - mostly about me trying to train/shape
the hoodoos of the future and establish hoodoo as a predominant force in the world)
later
What a pleasant surprise to stumble upon this website. I love it.
Posted by: Andrew Spark | March 17, 2006 at 01:48 AM