work that evolve with time rather than decline: the timeless kind

hello world

bernie mac, issac hayes, a little while back barbara ann teer of the national black theater company
it was one of those strange love-ins the national black theater used to put on

let me know the power of communal performance,

they used to do this lovefest theater thing, it was damn near a cult, they would all be dressed in white outfits and trying to transform the audience

be walking about being beatific and asking folk to love each other and talk to each other and reach out and player that i am i was the last one to hold out, sneering profusely at all this public affection but eventually start feeling it and introducing

myself to folk and hugging folk and letting it all hang out, and when i left, they were on a 2nd floor walkup on 125th street then, i left on a cloud of good cheer that lasted until i opened the door downstairs

and was on 125th street and was hit with a cold dose of reality and stood there stunned that the old hoodooman could have been so affected, o it was deep - but since then ive understood communal performance and what its capable of

then a buddy of mine, ihsan bracey, been deathly sick, string of strokes got him on his back,
but he just finish, published this year, a novel he been working on x years, my prayers are w/him

but i know he glad he got that novel done
i know he is

w/these long distance projects its like a constant negotiation with god
let me finish this one god and i will be satisfied

sometime im bold and confident with this blog
start telling you things i probably should keep to myself

then suddenly selfconscious i start drawing back, try to move back into my more customary low profile
partly cause my low readership frustrate me, i keep asking myself, why are you doing this flowers

why do you take such pains to do this well
why are you exposing so much of yourself for so little gain

appears im in a drawback mode now - let me
make a few comments and get on out of here:

folk have rightly been jacking up ms tinker down in memphis for her
sleazy campaign against rep cohen last week -

but the question of that statue in forrest park a valid one to raise, i forget sometime his
body there too - nathan bedford forrest and his statue need to go

cohen want to make points, forget the congressional apology, jokes we got enuf of, you want to do something for your constituents, get forrest and that cursed statue out of black memphis,

move it out to east memphis where it belong
since i was a child, forrest and his statue been an affront to black memphis

apparently same folk who been objecting to moving forrest and that statue dont plan for
central memphis to be black much longer no way - forrest still got to go

what else - the au has suspended the folk run that bloodless coup in mauritania,
au talk mighty tough on little mauritania, what about jacking up mugabe, plenty blood there

what else - found this interesting article on tavis smiley and obama, tavis been trying to jack obama and
getting spanked for it by the black community - rightfully so

wasnt for the excess of bush and republican fatigue et al, obama wouldnt have a
chance in hell, and i think even with all the democratic advantages this year

this one gon be a squeaker, i think obama could very easily lose this one, i believe we need to focus
if he actually does get to be president be plenty time (and op) to jack him up then

till then jealous prima donnas and the hard black left need to chill
need to grow the fuck up and be quick about it

what else - im not really into this: you may have noticed im
in a bad mood here, lord i got to get some pages done

finished keith gilyards john o manuscript, got that off my plate, it was profound reading my mentors life
phases of him i never knew - keith say that john o got up about 6, worked until 12, took a break

got back on about 2, worked till 6 - now thats what i call a real man
talked about how john o started getting desperate about 55 - i feel you john

you know that at some point you will not be as sharp a writer as you once were
and you dont know when that point will come, you will still be writing

but you will be writing trash, and wont realize it, could be doing it now

last couple of days this novel been whupping me all about my head and shoulders, dear regulators
feel like im slogging thru narrative mud

and im feeling that fear, what if my best work is already behind me, o god
what if im just spinning my wheels like ellisons junetenth and dont

really have a masterpiece in me, playing this fakeout on folk until i die one day, or get took out by a
stroke, still talking about its coming, its coming, im almost there, this summer for sure

i am so tired of this phase, i was still in my prime when i started this novel
and lately im starting to feel a little beat up here

i just cannot fuck around, i got to get this novel done

got a couple major projects begging for attention, cant touch them
until i get this novel done

i want to do this hoodoo holybook right, but you know as powerful a project as that could be
that dont scare me like this novel do, i can do that in my sleep, all i got to do is put the hours in

and if i fail i just fail - but i wont
whatever i come up with will be cool

i could pull that off even if i do lose my sharps, that kind of work you
dont really have to be there for it, that kind of work you just channeling

but this novel, this novel i care about, i die without this novel done it will break my heart
if my mind or my craft go before this novel get done it will break my heart,

just break my little literary heart, then all
the haters will have been proven right

he just didnt have it in him,

o hell no -  folk need to get out of my way
cause rickydoc bout to get another gear

dont know if next year will be given to me, o i assume it will
but i cant bet my legacy on it, this novel got to be done and it

got   to    be   done   now

then i think of the hours i spend wandering the net and writing this blog and im like
cant afford that rick, got to focus boy, stop talking about that novel

and put those hours into writing it - specially when my blog readership so low
i just cannot justify the time i spend on this blog

but what can i say, im a news junkie, every morning i spend a hour or so systemically checking out
whats happening in the world and sometimes im moved to comment, thats another half hour

i tend to give it more time during the summer woodshed cause i just got more time to give
during the schoolyear i tend to be more disciplined about it, but in all cases i wait until im

moved to write ie got to write and i dont do just topical, i do hoodoo speculation because when i
read over what ive done years later as i do occasionally to see whats standing the test of time

and ensure that future work designed to evolve with time rather than decline
its the topical get dated quick, its the hoodoo speculation that be timeless

the literary speculation
the personal speculation
strategic speculation

but then again its all relative, you try to design your words so they will grow with time
be more useful to future generations than less, you try to design words that time will empower, that time...

okay flowers, tripping again, started this post feeling all humble and contrite about
recent wolf ticketing and worked myself into a wolfticket state of mind anyway

that triumphalism that so often wander into my work, based on what i do not know (how long you gon
hold reality at bay) - trying to be humble today, got no wolftickets for sale today, just

want to get me a little novelwork done today
god help me thats all

i tell my students all the time, doubts and anxieties, they never go away
you just ignore them, like the times you feel like you the greatest writer ever lived

ignore that too
just keep working

i tell you dear regulators, a 9 hour workday would be good for the soul
i of course will take a 6 but a sweet little 9 would feel mighty fine

and a blog hiatus, no blogging
for a week, lets see how that play

im outta here

all my love

rdoc

Comments

[Lesley-Ann Brown]

You do it cause you got to do it...
Hugs and Lots of love,
lab