holding on

LATER SUNDAY

so, now waiting for agent to get back to me, serious trepidation, got to do what i tell my students, dont wait around, do something else, keep working

just came up with idea thats going to restructure novel, basic narr strat before was to let the novel get more intense as it went on so i got this historical riff that starts about halfway thru but i was just thinking why wait

why think linear when so much of novel doesnt, ima start the historical riff earlier, weave it while i weave the contemporary riff and just let the connection become clear later on, this will cause novel to be a little more challenging but whats wrong w/challenging, it will keep the interest up, i want this work to be riveting

this what im thinking now, might be thinking diff tomorrow because right now im not doing anything, im just thinking

SUNDAY

okay, finished another draft and i need to look over those last 10 pages and clean them up but you know what, im not going to do it, im done, ive done about 5 full drafts this year, they are coming quicker now

and each time i think im done, then i read it and what i think will be a touch up becomes a real rewrite

each time it makes it a better novel so its all good, in fact i think the key next phase  is to get as many rewrites as possible in while its going through feedback/editorial process,

this next rewrite ima concentrate on narrative games, now that i got my storyline down, story is always primary with me, now i can play games,

but the question of the moment is will i start reading thru it again and end up holding onto it till the end of the year - one more rewrite, it will be a better novel if i do

or will i just send it to ellen as is, and the answer is as is, im tired of it, just tired of it

got to close down the semester, take care of work/obligations i been stonewalling all year

so in the name of zora neale, dont she look sassy here, im pushing the send button RIGHT NOW

. . . .

DONE DEAL  11/29/10  12:05 am monday morning

 

 

SATURDAY - man i am just burnt out, down to last 7 pages or so and just cant dredge up the focus

im just tired of this thing, bone weary tired of it, ima keep struggling to get thru but whatever not done

by monday dont get done, ima send it off, im tired of it

so a little while back i was on the bus to campus, standing room only, im standing and this cuddly little coed sitting in front of me is staring up at me w/acute fascination and im thinking alright, old boy stil got it, when

she finally gets her nerve up, leans forward and says, excuse me sir, would you like to sit

so thats what its come to  -  im out

rdoc

 

 

MONDAY, still working, the endgame is always rougher, always harder, im wading thru mud, but its a
much better novel, i got no complaints, what i need to do is stop wolfing, thats what i need to do

SUNDAY, hello world, ima finish this thing today, by god and all thats holy i am, im tired of this, im tired of this space, i been crunching, airplane, airport, every spare moment i been crunching, got home last night crunched some more, woke up this morning crunching, i feel like wulfie in the deathwork scene amadeus, aint nothing stopping this partyrock, do or die im done

SATURDAY

afroam music and vietnam panel yesterday was momentus, was on stage wth local percussionist stubbleforth and memphis soul legend, william i forgot to be your lover bell,

i spent half my allotted time gushing, i offered at one point to do his autobio for him but later i came to my senses and thought to myself have you lost your mind

i did so much gushing i suspect he dont realize im as diffident in my world as he is in his

and i sincerely hope he decides not to follow thru on my offer, i will not push it, i will do it if he does but i will not push it  -  was prepared for

presentation but the format was casual conversation, i was kinda the odd man out, they were older guys and before 68, which was a point when the black experience in vietnam hardened, also they were entertainers who went in for shows, though bell was also a medivac (61-62) based in germany who spoke of picking up wounded so im not clear his role, stubbleforth was drummer for jamesbrown tour in 66

so im talking about blackinzation and the tensions between black and white troops, between soldiers and officers and how the black music of the era reflected the new assertive blackness of black culture at the time and provided the blackinization soundtrack and they were takling kumbaya, how the music brought everybody together and that wasnt necessarily

the case, also there was a lot of war never solves anything coming from them and i ventured that actually
war often solves things, would they suggest we never warred with hitler, or the north w/south in civilwar

it distressed me to come off like a war monger but i was trying to say something like war there are nuances
and you cant just prattle what sounds good if you making serious analysis, i said you try to ensure just war

and i said i consider war a failure of policy, a failture of game, game should be designed to make actual war unneccesary

but as you know dear regulators i consider myself a warrior, a righteous warrior of course but still a warrior
and a pragmatist willing to look at the darker corners of the human condition, but then ima novelist

and my geas is truth always truth, the place where the symposium is being held, the wisconsin veterans museum, is an interesting institution, that kept making distinction they about soldiers not war

and our panel was held in this hall jutting out over the lake, ive had some really good meals, indian, nepalese

been hanging tough with craig and his u mad crew, cosponsors and where i did the gig

i like this town, but im ready to be back in the cuse, i have pretty much lost this weekend for the crunch
im really enjoying this enrichment draft because its making the novel cleaner and i like that, will not read

it thru no more, when im done i will just send it off, (or will i, should i wait until i have that session w/2nd years, i dont think i can, may have to just file their responses until i get all my feedbacks then do the next draft but i know they will point out things ima want to incorporate right away, it just never ends . . . .)

i believe on that note ima get back to work, i will cross those other bridges when i get to it
but i need to get as far as i can this week so next weekend for sure (damn, thanksgiving, i just

cant get a break, ima have to throwdown, i need to be damn near thru by monday, im out

FRIDAY

hello world, well here i am, univ of wisc madison, did my gig, and kicked that colds ass
it kinda amaze me sometime when i do the will power thing,i love having a magical will

i cant move everything but i can move a lot more than most folk can

the symposium has been much more interesting than i anticipated, the music of the vietnam war

talking about taking me back - had a presentation of nam music yesterday and im like 18 again

talking about we got to get out of this place by the animals, joy to the world i remember singing on a convoy
a line of trucks as far as you can see and me sitting guardduty on top of one of them in the open air

and everybody in the convoy was singing joy to the world, and you could hear it all up and down the convoy, must have been 100 of us, it was an otherworldy moment, and i dont remember how that came about

but everytime i hear joy to the world i remember that moment, and the, well, joy of it, ah youth, so my panel is later today

africanamerican music and vietnam, dont have the faintest idea of what i will say, i remember i had an 8 track in nam and 6 tapes, ocsmith god didnt make little green apples, the temptations in a mellow mood, a glady knight, a bill withers, the chambers brothers and a nancy wilson - that 8 track got me thru nam, but the

album that most speaks to me about that era and time im my life is whats going on by marvin gaye, i had just got out the army and was in knoxville w/brenda burns, stretched out on her dormroom floor ut knoxville blasted out of my mind when those initial strains of whats going on came on and marvin gaye asked me personally, whats going on, brother

it transported me

and you might remember how innovative it was then, how utterly different, how utterly committed it
was and how the songs sequed right into the next so it never let you go and it took me on a magic

carpet ride from which i have yet to deplane, ive always regretted the premature death of marvin gaye

but whats going on was the piece that makes an artists life and struggles worth it all, long live marvin

well, best i get some work done on my own wouldbe masterpiece
if my novel can kick it like whats going on i will be satisfied

 

all my love

rdoc

WEDNESDAY

working hard on novel, woodshed focus, clocking pages, got the world on hold cause i want to finish this this weekend

supposed to be going to this gig at univ of wisc tomorrow, have had a bad cold and my body/will (& memphis medicinal magictea) is at war with it because im very oldschool theatre when it comes to my gigs, the show will go on and i will not be hacking and coughing thru my act and typhoid marying folk, i will not -  god, you got to speak to whoever it is you got to speak to because i dont have time for this, trying to do your will, lord, work with me - please

(i added that please because i decided talking shit to god wasnt very smart before i got on this airplane, i can hear god now, you talking kinda tough to me aint you boy, i tell you what about i bring that plane down in those cornfields, then your problems be solved right, will that satisfy you mr flowers - well perhaps i was a little hasty in my phrasing, did i forget to add, good lord willing and the creek dont rise - my bad)

Comments

[BuffaloSoldier]

IF THEY WANTED TO BE FREE BuffaloSoldier salutes MarvinGaye. SoulDoctor, in keeping with your wishes, I'm not doing reparations. But I feel compelled to explain my passion. I'm AfroIndian. So I'm concerned with the fate of those two, often mingled people. I'm especially an avocate for the 246. I don't know if everyone remembers that term. It was more a term of fact, rather than a term of separation. The 246 refers to the number of years of chattal slavery our ancestors had to endure. That's exactly how long it took to damage, some say irrecoverably,(not me, by the way,) us on these chores. In 2111, we will have finally equaled our time here in actual chains. 2111 is 246 later than 1865. That's why I've always been protective of the 246. Since 1865 we've added the bulk of other Blacks. AfricanBlacks-of which the LionKing is of that number. WestIndianBlacks-Harry Belifonte,Stokely Carmichal etc. LatinBlacks-Felipe Luciano,the early Pablo Guzman. But the special damage that's crippled the 246 screams for repar--er for repairs to that damage. That's what the BuffaloSoldiers sought to do in their way. That's what writers seek to do in their way. So being an advocate for the 246 is not knocking anyone else. It's just looking to extend charity here at home. I'm BuffaloSoldier and I approve this message.

[arthur flowers]

you misunderstood me my brother
i dont mind you making your case

for reparations, i just said you werent
going to change MY mind, but you more

than welcome to make your case for reparations
for the rest of us, you are in fact welcome to

make your case for reparations to me, you are
welcome to make any case you want in this space

i value your opinions, i value your contributions

to this dialogue, any other implication is sorely regretted

i am rickdoc and i approve this message

[arthur flowers]

addendum: was listening to marvin gaye, whats going on album when i read your comment, feeling the connection

[BuffaloSoldier]

BUFFALOSOLDIER, WHEN WILL THEY CALL YOU A MAN. BuffaloSoldier salutes Muhammed Ali. Sorry I misunderstood. I didn't want to cross any boundaries. I do try to add a dimension to tried and true ideas. In a coming Post I'll explore not the silliness of Reparations. But why others with lesser damaged history were sucessful in their campaigns because of the adult nature of their petitions. No free fried chicken for a year, a la Monigue. No Checks in the mail a la the Greens. As for Marvin Gaye, I still have the original album in the original cover. I always sensed there was something in him bursting to get out. But WHAT'S GOING ON went beyond all of my expectations. I'm BuffaloSoldier and I approve this acknowledgement.