SATURDAY
okay, finished my draft, will use weekend to play with it, send it on off monday
have been caught up in some projects, doing a piece on palf ghana trip for callaloo
and was recently taught how to extract clips from dvds, youtube, et al, this has opened up
entirely new creative juices, been wanting to do some mediaworks, my voice, music, video
so, seem to be caught up in it, downloading clips, considering music, text, also supposed to
be doing a presentation for multiculti studentgroup at oswego, plan to step up my game and
add media component working toward theater evening like sekou used to do, have always wanted
to do that, so now i been going thru youtube and elsewhere building up an image/clip collection
so i went on youtube looking for mlk and civilrights clips and i found this, this gives me all kinds
of ideas, for use in video collages and also in my performances im doing for promiseland, i wish
i had seen this before i wrote promiseland but such is life in the literary lane, the tech here was
interesting too, i hate learning a new genre, i hate the stumbly fumbly stage, but such is the literary life
FRIDAY
feeling reflective today, novel coming along, endgame, last 7 pages or so, have slowed to a crawl but thats to be
expected, its the endgame require the most devoted attention, probably hit it again in the next couple of days
been thinking about blogging, because im not in a current events state of mind and so totally
invested in my novel thats mostly all i have to talk about, and it feels so narcissistic sometime
i try to pull back but its like ive become addicted to talking out my struggle here
i try to tell myself im different from the conventional internet gazer because im literary
and im very concscious of making sure my posts have literary value
strategically addressing future generations
and im very conscious this is delusional if my work does not gain me more attention than i have currently
im betting this novel will be a big success (on some levels) & that my projected holybook will be the real thing
and that scholars (and civilians) of the future will dig into archives like this and extract their versions of me
o i know ima bigtime dreamer, and i got no problems with that, nor the cost of being a visionary
im good at this, i know im good at this, rest of you wont know until the genarations make their call
so no sense in me feeling put out that folk dont see what i see - whole point is i got vision
and i really enjoy having rootsblog as a space where i can talk about whats real to me
so i need to stop whining about this and that and just keep on posting, true voice, enjoy yourself rick
i was going to save this groove piece for my victory post, but im feeling the power now
finishing a decades long novel project will do that to you, as is finally being pleased w/what you got
if that aint a groove what is - make my funk the p-funk
THURSDAY
its kinda amazing, 1st day of my 5 day push and the novel is much better than it was yesterday
its been a grind but damn i love seeing my novel grow, get better, its amazing, you put the hours in
you see the product grow, it works every time, ima read my feedback at some point, i can handle it now
thats an old draft now, some passages that might have to go ima leave in till i hear from an editor
im gone, i got a lotta work to do and only 5 days to do it in, i gotta focus, this woodshed will be
over before you know it, one month down, two to go, at the end of this process i need to feel
good about what i did, so far i feel really good, but already i can hear that clock ticking, tick tock - gotta go
WEDNESDAY 11:21 am: so i pulled back & started working on endgame revision, which basically is the question
what am i trying to say w/this novel, and whatever it is i want to go deeper than i was - here we go, 5 days of hell
WEDNESDAY 9:22 am
okay, have forged my way up to the last 20 pages or so and the damned thing has collapsed again
im tempted to read my feedback but i am still afraid of confusion, thats going to be for the next rewrite
or will i hang in there for this last 5 days, i told agent i would send by 20th, thought i would be thru today
and was really pleased to have gotten thru so quickly so i could go and collapse somewhere
and i can still be thru today if i stay with the poetry rewrite instead of a real one
but perhaps im just punking out, what i might do is read my feedbacks and struggle w/endgame for next 5 days,
god help me i just want to be thru, and i got all sorts of crises demanding attention, but maybe i got to tough it out
5 more days rick, you can do this, it will be a better novel, you can do this
WEDNESDAY approx 2 am
im tired, family always in need, just a constant bailout, guess im just fortunate im able, but it can wear you down
and im so tired of this novel i dont know what to do, im about 2/3rds of the way thru and im getting
conflicting feedback on what works and doesnt work, im not going to think about it until i hear
from an editor, im just burnt the fuck out - and so many things in my life have gon into crises mode
while i full court press this novel my gears starting to wear out, im done, rickydoc has got the blues
also im discouraged about the body politic, all these brutal policies these repubs in charge imposing on
healthcare, education, labor, etc and people in general because they claim deficit constraints that they
have consciously forged by starving gov of tax funds and have made the public believe that this has
happened because the gov is too generous to its people and the gov has no role to play (except
when they in need) and its working and will continue to work until obama and the dems forthrightly
declare this will no longer fly, we are not continuing to go down this road - and i fear thats not going to
happen, obama dont roll like that - im tired, old boy got the blues and no option but to keep on trucking
thats life, i would say im ready to check out but im willing to bet that death is a struggle too
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