SUNDAY 12/28
okay, im rolling, apparently im in a reconcepting phase, restructuring, taking text deeper
taking it to higherground, a lot of what im doing is just generating raw fragments when
structurals become text, this kinda esoteric, let it suffice to say im strugging w/the page
thats all i ask - school starts on 12th, lets say i throwdown till the 10th, then i make my
switch to schoolhouse headset, and cleaning up whats clearly going to be a hot mess
not teaching this semester so ima schedule hardcore, like im as desperate as i claim to be:
morning 3 (text) afternoon 3 (structurals) evenings (schoolhouse/projects)
instead of trying to explain let me just show you, an example of how
structurals become text, basically im thinking novel out on paper
i have found that thinking on paper keeps me focused, efficient,
diff between writers and civilians is that writers think on paper
question: how to make this a more compelling mystery, how to take it all to higherground
this just an example, doing hours of drudgework, all the threads in the tex, it require focus:
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what exactly is this story, where is the suspense, the twists, the drama
what about the politician being a little more of a surprise
I need a string of revelations, drama, suspense
at what point does he become aware of stories need to be told trope
has to be done w/a power that makes reader reassess all stories told in text
does the high hoodoo tell him this while walking to river. When the bottle tree appear on the bank, driftwood throne settled firmly in its lightning split trunk.
what are you doing in my chair, I ask him, finally, i see you there often, I say.
Looking for stories he say, I see better there. Don't you.
I dont answer. I have never sat there. dont think I will. but the next day, early morning and sun barely up, Im standing there, full sack of driftwood on my back, I find myself tempted. I sense power. deep funky river power, muddy and sluggish and irresistible. Which is probably why I turn away. Im satisfied with things the way they are. Another way of saying Im scared.
(do I do more with altars for his clients, do more with the two clients that he has, pollyanne and Frankie, make them real and not just folkloric metaphors)
I got to fill this novel with joy and grace and pathos, I got to make the reader feel a whole range of emotions, including grace and serenity – can I metasay that somewhere, or would that be metacute, what do I want from a spell, what do I want from this holybook thread
that was interesting, was doing it in 3rd person, talking about what to do with him, but I did that little riff in 1st person, as if I were him writing it/inhabiting the voice and that was kinda functional I think, I need to do that more often, occupy that headset – make that seque because that segue is structurals becoming proto-text (be careful of reality leakage)
he string them together into a new reality, depict him in his chair conjuring
then that makes all the stories in the text read differently
where is point where I make that reveal and how is it supported
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this goes on and on, you get the idea
i got to go, im feeling fidgety about
being away from the page
basicaly you generate enuf structurals to go in and extract the seeds of segments
you expand on those seeds, pure trash, and start process of making it real text
got to go, all my love, got to go
rdoc
FRIDAY 12/26 - WEEKS LATER
i have been in a major funk, have not done a lick of work in a whole month of woodshed
everyday i sit down at the sacred desk and spin my wheels, sometimes i dont even try
i just lie there reading and watching media, (curse you netflix) done a lot of research on my cosmic
quest but straight research dont count as writing and i want to do some writing, on a certain
level research comes under the category of fun, specially when you researching the
cosmos - but you got to keep writing and i aint done a lick of novel which is what count
ima count it as a break, ima assume i been pushing too hard and body/mind/soul needed a break, gathering
energy for the big push - unfortunately thats exactly what it feels like, a break, like something critical been broken
as you know dear regulators, sent my revised novel in and agent said its
'going in the right direction' - a new euphemism for it aint ready rick
asked me to expand the hoodoo detective thread, which looking at it i see doesnt really
interest me like the failed hoodoo prophet thread, so ive got to weave that better but when
i sit down to read/work on novel i just cant get a grip, my heart is not in it,
its like after 15 years of full court press to learn its still not done has
broken me somehow - its like god help me will this thing never work
did my mlk performance (jan 19th) and my medicine show performance
but again that kind of thing dont count for woodshed, only books count
had i stayed on my holybook i would have been clocking pages and being productive but i suspect i had to
go thru this funk anyway (i tend to accept/define whatever im going thru as part of the productivity process)
part of it is figuring out how to go about this revision, this morning i sat down with new theory that it
might be best to read thru it onscreen and generate new text where i see the text can take it
so far ive generated two new segments that are of course beyond awful, i think what ima do is
commmit to a new segment a day for next 2 weeks, just read thru rick, generate text whereever
you can, let it be bad, revise it when youre done, i can squeeze about 2 more weeks out of
this woodhsed before i have to focus on schoolhouse, etc - make it happen, rick
come out of this with a new draft/new vision no matter how rough and you will feel good
come out of this where you are now and you will feel like a loser
other thing threw me off my woodshed game is i spent the 1st 2 weeks putting that
hoodoo conference together, talk about herding cats, try herding high hoodoos
but i feel like it was worth the opp costs, a good conference on high hoodoo has a chance of
defining hoodoo in the 21st century and it will just be good to reason w/fellow high hoodoos
that i have known only as screennames - a gathering of the high hoodoos
with a performance that evening as rickydocs traveling medicine show
its actually going to be kinda wonderful
so - about the protests and the cop killings, its playing out about like i expected
the protests have gone on the defensive and trying to figure out how to
maintain struggle without it becoming a war w/the cops - actually that moratorium until funeral
that deblasio asked for would have been a nice guesture, it would have been an appeal
to the cops human nature, some folk think there is no such thing but we cant afford to go there
a fundament of struggle is keeping the high moral ground, we have to be greater than our enemies
that aint weakness, thats strength - there two moves at play here:
one the intensity of the responses to shot black men at least will make the cops think twice
before taking the shot, which they of course say is part of the problem, that hesitation
well that just tough, got a license to kill you taking on added calculation
the other thing i notice is that the protest moment is, as kinda always, slave to
its radical voices, some of whom dont really want amelioration of the problem
some they just want to ride ithe chaos as far as it let them ride, most of the
protesters folk of good heart but there some folk w/agendas that dont
necessarily complement ours - likely they the ones most problematic
which is a trip to me because i was once them, i was one of the young militants
broke up kings 1st sanitation march, forced him to come back to memphis
where he met his destiny at the lorraine motel,
i was part of the black new york action committee which marched in
many a protest and did agitprop, etc, i been part of orgnizations i still
aint gon mention becasuse they were very subversive in their day and its a total trip seeing
all this from an expanded perspective of age and experrience and hopefully wisdom
between those two poles, cop war and radical agiprop, this matter is at a delicate crossroads
w/no good outcomes, granted that hesitation might save a life here and there, that count
but blackmen & other marginals will still be shot by twitchy cops and society will still say its okay
its a kinda fundamental social dynamic that police suppress marginal forces/sectors
you try to ameliorate that, make that a more humane process and you try to remove
yourselves from the marginal category, talking longgame now (surprise, surprise)
everything i touch rotate back to that longgame dont it
enhancing the human condition and
transforming black folk from a marginal people to a people of power
after many decades of victories and defeats i reside in the longgame, which accepts
them both w/equanimity and maintains, i know the circle returns, the pendulum swings
phases of struggle come and go, you maintain -
a luta continua - you maintain
which in next 2 weeks entail getting this draft done
you do what you do, ima do what i do
bonnie went down to the city for the big march they had a couple of weeks ago
i stayed home and struggled fruitlessly with the page - the one thing in this world i do
that nobody else can, conjurations, books of power,
magical works that shape generations
patience rick, do what you can,
in the world & out, hold steady
WHO KNOWS WHAT DAY I WROTE THIS, BEEN KINDA OUT OF IT
cop shooting in brooklyn a setback on many levels -
one, it escalates the death, doom and destruction factor - two, it short
circuits recent activism energy, the struggle just got radioactive -
two minority cops mean no allies, some dude shot his girlfriend no less
(at least he wont be romanticized, much) - real problem is if this becomes
open war between cops and blacks, blacks will lose and lose badly - caught between crazies
w/guns and cops w/twitchy trigger fingers in a vengeance mode, rousting the whole race
w/extreme prejudice, I suggest caution - the next few steps/months should be precisely calibrated,
tensions de-escalated, short game implemented, struggle maintained, open war avoided -
got to think in generations - once again the only viable answer is in the longgame, generations that
must be shaped, a new people forged, got a rough patch coming down on us now, a path that must be
negotiated with a steady hand - stay steady rick, stay steady
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