SUNDAY NIGHT 11:40pm 36: TRANSFORMATION - 45 TO GO
got to catchup schoolhouse, got to force myself out of the zone
my little spring break mini woodshed, got halfway thru, i done good . . .
been told i shoulda had the work in the cloud but i been resisting the cloud
still an oldschool guerilla i guess and dont like putting all my work online
trusting apple not to monetize or otherwise use it at some point, im an
obdurate child of the 60s i guess, i still work on a need to know basis
SUNDAY EVENING 34:RESPONSIBILITY - 47 TO GO
i will be glad when i bust 40 and am on the downstroke
SUNDAY NEXT EARLY MORNING
major disaster over last week, computer crashed, took it into
faculty computing to have it fixed and used computer in office
while it was down, was determined to maintain production so
i clocked pages/segments, did 24:finance, 25:maturity, 26:eldership,
27:death - was ahead of the game and so proud of myself, picked
up computer yesterday, worked yesterday evening, 28:rebirth,
29:mojo 30:healing, 31:journeys, i was in the zone and clocking it
saved it, thinking at this rate i will be thru in couple of weeks
went by office to get last weeks work and incorporate and bam, cant
find it, it had not been saved on harddrive, it was on backup
usb which i had just saved over, i lost a week of work
so much for the zone, now im fighting off despair
and i had to throw down on recovery right away, before
despair overtook me, fortunately i print out every days
work so i can have a hardcopy in case of situations like this
so i sat down with hardcopy and redid them, there will
be segments that are lost forever, cause i move them
to other movements so i dont know what all i have
lost but now im moving forward again, a luta continua . .
32:TIMING - 49 TO GO
STILL SUNDAY 11:35 on 23:LOVE
was sitting there working and still bemoaning how shallow it looks
and how some segments i only had a couple of paras of material
like for 22:WORK of all things, and but then i think how they were all
separated by hardpage breaks and how if i just ran them together
by movement it might address all that so i did as an experiment
and it makes all the diff in the world, i got a text now and it doesnt
really matter how long each one is and you get a better sense of
narrative flow that was missing and its amazing how one little
change like that changes the whole text and makes what wasnt
working work
was listening to this bluessong, hounds are hunting by steve pierson
and wrote this flash, will use it in novel and in holybook, rough draft,
raw, potential, dont know what movement it will come under yet:
do you hear them coming do you do you hear those hungry slavering grrrowl grrrowl o god grrrowls I can I can hear them I can smell them aint nothing quite like it hellhounds on your trail cause they got the scent and the water aint throwed them and now they running you cross dryland and dear god you bout done but when hellhounds got you you don't quit you just run run run till you drop you run cause aint no 4 legged demon eating your soul if you got any say if you can help it run dont you hear them run fool padding in your tracks go ahead and run snarling the air you breathe you gotta run the hot drip of saliva scarring your neck and hot on your trail but it really dont matter do it cause you got your wind now and by god you flying cross this ground and by god and all that's holy aint none of these fuckers gon outswim me
SUNDAY
ready for my conference, and just did 21:EDUCATION, im on
game but i am not happy, they are so weak, only reason i have
not abandoned this project is because i would be throwing away
30 years of dream/effort, trust the process/vision rick, maintain
SATURDAY
20:FAMILY - 61 TO GO
but i got some lean ones now, out of the 20 ive done maybe 4 of them
still notes quality text - well, at least i will know where the holes are
but one hole i fear i wont be able to fill, it does not feel like a holybook - one
i do not have god being responsible for every move, its more a mystic work
and i fear its not going to be a big weighty tome, how can a cosmology
be anything but a big weighty tome is how i feel but its going to be
a tight little book of poetics instead of an extended narrative, ima a creature of
my time and aesthetic, i believe in tight, feel like future generations will too
and i got all these stories, historicals and what i call destinicals that i dont know if they working
but ima leave them in because if i take them out all i got is an ambitious self help book
this is not what i wanted or expected but you got to just drive forward and
accept whatever format allow you to do that, i just got to trust the process
at this point i dont care what it looks like, i just
want to get it done and off my plate
i often begrudge the time i spend on this blog, i dont think i got a lot of readership
so sometimes its like why do you do this, but it doesnt take a lot, i just kind of
think out loud on the keyboard, and it does generate words for my digital persona
and it influences my nonfiction style, my text follows this narrative format instead of a
conventional one and i like what im coming up with, i trust it will be viable one day
im gone, 7:43 am and ive done my 2 for the day, (actually did 3) now
i got to get thru a students novel manuscript - conference tomorrow
its reading good, but im behind the ball, instead of having thought
about my critique for a week, which would make it that much stronger
ima have to give her a midnight oil critique, distress me thats
all i got to give, but at least give it strong - focus rick
aint nothing quite as humbling as a mfa conference
for which you are not prepared - focus
if it comes to that i will have to ask for a days grace
i will not do a conference for which i am not prepared
focus - demoja
FRIDAY
17: REDEMPTION: 64 TO GO
that means im averaging 1 a day
thats fucked, got to get another gear
THURSDAY
barcelona review put up excerpt from novel
that was in memphis noir - there is no rest
goes w/o saying it embarrass me, if i cant
revise them i dont want to read them
MONDAY
got my groove on, in the zone, got a routine that gets me thru a segment in about 3 hours
did 3 today, could have done 4, but was trying to spend evening doing obligations, did it
fitfully but did that extra segment instead, which in this case is lack of discipline
but if i do 3 a day i will feel good, should i push for 4 a day, it will be a brutal
month but i will have a draft at the end of it, ive got a good assembly line routine now
so its mostly just sitting there following the steps like a robot, endurance is the call now
02:11:BLUESWORK - 70 TO GO (god awful trash draft, its all process)
SUNDAY
clocking segments, developing a routine thats getting me thru
i got almost 8 done now, be thru w/#8 in about a half hour id say
then i need to hit LAW again, the new one, its still raw but ima just
fill in the hole and call it a session, so goal is one segment (i have 9)
a week, and maybe get ahead by one over the spring break
the end of a segment is a good time to focus on my obligations
but mornings must be inviolate, im gone
heading to the city thur the 17th for babajohn centennial
will stop by grave on my way, get my soul tended
demoja
SATURDAY
i appear to be fucked, serious fullcourt and i have 5 movements done
(and calling them done is being flexible, they are god awful)
5 movements 5 days, thats one a day im averaging, full court press
i need to recalibrate, if its 1 a day then its 1 a day, but 1 a day x 81 movements
means it will take me 4 months to finish this draft, june, and this aint even a
good draft, this a predraft draft, 2 pages a day mean 2 months, i can live w/that
then i can use the summer to get a real draft done, got to get another gear
if next week i cant make the 2 a day count then i will accept that 1 a day it is
which is likely cause schoolhouse and personals howling at the door
right now im still ignoring them w/every ounce of willpower i can dredge
which means at some point im going to have to seriously crunch those
starting today basically im playing catchup, wont know till i get my days segment, if it takes all day
then im that much further behind, im feeling like once i get the groove i can knock off that 1 or 2 a
day then have the rest of the day for schoolhouse and personals, reason its hard now is because this is how it goes
from a dead stop, you start fitful, then hopefully you get the groove and just do it instead of dancing around it
if i get the groove (the mighty zone) i can get the predraft and my obligations done so
that come summer woodshed my decks will be cleared and i can throw down
im gone, got to do 01:06:LAW, this one is rough cause i just came up with it
it was SIGNIFICANCE before, wanted one for Law, the Natural Laws, Justice, et al
so i decided to put SIGNIFICANCE under vision, i keep thinking im good but everyday
i work the structure evolves, then i have to ocme up with new material
im gone, im disheartened, the work is shallow, life is falling apart while
i ignore it all, trying to clock these pages, make this holybook real . .
decided to go ahead and extract the biggie, for me at least - the bible
have not done the bible because i grew up in a bible culture, feel like
the essence of the biblical worldview and modality is ingrained already
but in my studies i keep running across good biblical lines/concepts
and i cant let the bible be better than the hoodoo book of flowers
i want to be the next step in human evolution, i want to be a contender
i dont tell folk this cause its a little ambitious but me and you dear
regulators nothing but the truth, this my space, where i can be me
when i do what i call an extraction im going into a text and incorporating
whatever value it has into my own text/worldview and making that
vision just a part of my own, my understanding of the longgame, ideological orchestration,
is that my vision has to encompass the visions of all the other players so their visions
just become part of my more encompassing vision, and when i think of the accretive
nature of hoodoo incorporating the best of what it interfaces and how many blackfolk are
invested in a biblical worldview i got to do an biblic extraction to go along with all
these other sacred text extractions, the bible is full of trash, ima weed out all that trash
put it all in a mythology compatible with a 21st century sensibility (and beyond)
digest the best and regurgitate, i figure a text as rich as the bible it will put me
on new ground and help make the work feel less shallow, i suspect it will take a couple
of months to get thru it but i would like this draft to incoporate whatever the bible
has to give - im gone, all my love
rdoc - demoja
Comments