SUNDAY MORNING
ok, finished my draft, felt good, printed it out, it looks good,
but its clearly not primetime yet, ima hit it one more time redpeN
i thnk i can do that in a week or so if i focus and forcemarch
my way thru, been doing it this morning and im on 06:LAW
be nice if i can get a movement a day, then i will have a text
question is do i have fortitude to stay on it another week,
im thoroughly tired of this project, but its not real yet, i cant
come off it till its real
excerpt from 05:TRIAL &TRIBULATION (the form is called
a toast, familiar toasts are shine and the signifying monkey)
who that lame say he know the game
and where did he learn to play, id like to
tell how I fell to the tricks life sent my way
if you gather round I will run it down and
unravel the mystery, when the night get bright
and the jungle rise the game will stalk its prey,
blood been shed, words been read and
the weak are doomed to pay
but its all the same, its all in the game
I knew the rules when I sat down to play
you take the odds, you deal the cards
and dues you will surely pay,
a little honey might sweeten the deal but drink
it all I must, when the hammer fall and the law
is corrupt, well, down you go & you go down
hard, singing my god, what a bitter bitter cup
(i have spent a good hour trying to decide, singing a
bitter cup, or crying a bitter cup, decisions decisions)
YESTERDAY SOME TIME OR THE OTHER
finished my draft but i got 45 pages of notes
sentences and paras that got culled to be moved
to other segments, thats what im doing now
talking about fugging drudgery, its like doing
one of those big 1000 piece crossroad puzzles
pure out and out drudgery, how many hours can
i sit here like an assembly line robot, being a writer is
sometime just a bo hawg grind -
come down to who willing to put in the work
sit there at the sacred desk hour after hour
specially when its so far off the chart
that it likely wont get published
so far its about 500 pages of text, cause of all that cursed whitespace
next draft ima cut it down to the bone, to the essential, id like to
bring it in about 250 to 300, maybe 350
im desperate to finish this today
so i can print out the manuscript
and get that sense of completion
focus on some of my obligaitons and
fight off some of these howling wolves
even though its so rough i will
need to hit it again to make it
viable
plan is to be done w/this by end of year
so i can use my research leave on novel
ive totally lost faith in this project
but i still got faith in process
it feels so shallow, but taken all together, its
like a blueprint for a new afroam culture
and thru them all humanity
as to if it really influences afroam culture
and thru them all humanity
i wont be around to see so im not going
to worry about that, ima just do the best
i can do and let the gods do the rest
let the generations decide
i may have lost faith but there is still the
possibility that it is an important work
thats all i need, a shot
demoja
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