FRIDAY
strange space, finished a major draft, certain sense of accomplishment
a sense that a day or two off is warranted but its not a full draft yet so
the pressure is still on to crunch it, i seem to have collapsed into zombie
mode, im tired, my brain is tired, beenr eading research all morning
but what i want to do is work on the text and the research is disheartening
once upon a time i felt like i knew more memphis history than the historians
but i got all these memphis texts i have been accumulating over the years
for just this point and its like every 10 years or so you have to check the
scholarship in your field or get left behind gasping in the dust
im gone, im in a funk, i work so hard
and i get so little play, focus rick
THURSDAY 9:14 pm
been reading over the text, its actually reading pretty good
let me do a redpen and see what i got, still feel like i should
do the last 40 1st before a full redpen, the last 40 is where
a novel either fulfills itself or falls thru, when the writer runs
out of wind, my last 40 has that spluttering out of wind feel
which means i got to make it the strongest 40, a redpen
read all its very own would accomplish that, give myself
3 days to do that, then on the road, and 2 weeks to do
a full redpen and i will see what i have, this is of course
a ridiculous and impossible deadline and even if i do it
it will leave me scuffling when schoolhouse opens and
whatever i have will be stronger by end of year deadline
and stronger still if i subject it to a summer woodshed but
if it keeps reading like its reading now i will (w/superhuman
effort) have a viable draft by the end of my bday month
67 & finally true text, for that i will gladly pay my dues
which means do it right, 3 days online read thru, last 40,
then redpen of whole thing, & what about all this research
i recently found, memphis history stuff i want to work in
it has to be done over the next 3 days, do or die
whatever new text comes from that has to be worked in
before the final redpen (and maybe while its happening)
it will be rougher than the rest of the text but i want
this text to be a history of black memphis and i got realms
of new research/knowledge that has to be fictionalized
do the research as ongoing over the month, specially when
im in memphis over next week or so, strictly research mode
& maintain production schedule, 12 a day will get me thru 40
then i got two weeks to do a full redpen (im-fucking-possible)
and while im on the road no less, got to do an amadeus
(that scene in amadeus when he work himself to death)
then last week in aug desperate class prep, last
hump, rick, you can do this, once again we
separate the writers from the wannabes, gotta go
got pages need clocking - all my love - showtime
rdoc
THURSDAY 1:23 pm
well, i done it, i fucking done it, last 40 pages still need work
but its a viable, coherent manuscript, ima try to do a redpen
of those 40 pages before i get on road, then i will have a real
manuscript, only problem is i am totally burnt out, we will see
if i got the energy for a 3 day redpen or if i need a break
before i get on road, i am truly burnt the fuck out
THURSDAY 5:07 am
i have filled in all the holes save one, (filled in, not fleshed out)
the angel sequence needs endgame work, spend today on that
then a couple of days enriching/polishing my endgame 40 and
i can get on the road to the delta w/a good manuscript for aug
it astound me how much unortho narrative burden im carrying
on one hand it tickle me to do something new, on the other hand
it will make my work that much harder to sell & appreciate, but i
have these narr challenges, i solve them however i can to
maintain forward motion, i have to make the text do tricks
but i got enuf substance that i feel like i can take chances
so i sprawl all over the page, ive put the years in, i can
make this text do what i want it to, no matter how corny
ive paid my dues, i have kept the literary faith
in spite of crippling disappointment - i get to try
all my love
THURSDAY 1:13 am
i have finally broken thru and reconcepted to my satisfaction
still not fully enriched but its viable, it works, i will have all
of august, more or less, to enrich it, charaacter & conceptual
but its so strange, i have come up w/strange answers
to my narrative challenges and there are those who will
not be able to see this as a text, will not see how i have
have to build characters differently from what they are
used to, see how i achieve causality unortho, ohwell . .
got to go, got pages need clocking, unortho tho they be
WEDNESDAY
graywolf said no on the hoodoo book of flowers
deep deep disappointment, and so on it goes
they said it had too much 'certitude' and im like
its a holybook, a certain certitude is obligatory
nobody told moses he had too much certitude
ah, but such is life, however said the book didnt work
for them, which cause me to question it, ohwell
waiting to hear from amistad, i expect another no
so its likely i will just do it myself, there would have
been like immediate authentication coming out with
graywolf or amistad but i been scuffling so long i
wouldnt know what to do with a break anyway
rest for the weary is growing, fitfully, realized
it wasnt ready for redpen and been doing much
more structural changes, been rewriting the last
40 pages over and over every day looking for a
groove and actually found one, moved the
confrontation at the crossroads from last
Scene to about 40 pages from end and will
use that to build up some dramatic tension
for that endgame, which i consider critical
now its all part of the confrontation at the
crossroads, makes an arc difference
i got to go, man ima be cool but graywolf
no hurt me, i gotta stay focused, the gods
of literature still love me, they just dont want
me to come off the grind, they want to keep
me hungry and desperate, well its working
i got to get back to work, all my love
rdoc
MONDAY
i am discouraged, i am struggling w/the page
and the page is winning, the future scenario
cluster is defying me, i will be lucky to clear a
page a day and they are not powerful pages
they are lets just get thru this segment pages
they will need work and i havent even gotten
to the most challenging section, the
confrontation at the crossroads endgame, im
feeling a little discouraged right about here
keep trudging thru, rick
can i justify a day off
just chill around reading
watching trash tv
a day off
SATURDAY 7/29
finally off the road, i really really overcommitted this summer
and ive got about a week or so before i need to be on the way
to the delta if im going, been invited to the opening of the
terry adkins at the moma in the city aug 19 so i got to get
back on the road if im going to memphis but i am about 40
pages from being done w/novel draft and im not going
anywhere until its done, if i do 10 pages a day i can
leave in about a week, but 10 a day is impossible, im
on my closure - the future prophetic cluster and the
confrontation at the crossroads payoff w/stackolee
merciful conqueroo, i got to go full hog this week
its my bday week, i should have mojo in abundance
TUESDAY 7/24
so the humps coming daily now, which means im working at least
on a new one today, the future scenarios, the prophetic scenes
what i got is really weak, what i have to do is slow down and go
sentence by sentence, and it has worked basically, still not rich
final product but good enuf to keep moving, i lose pages going/cutting
sentence by sentence but such is life, whats interesting is how many
times i have to come up with stylistic licks just to keep moving forward
i do things narratively that ive not seen in my work (or any other) and im
not altogether comfortable with them, folk will wonder if its really viable just
cause it aint been done before but thats what makes literature literature
i can only hope the generations are more forgiving
ive given up on respect in my own time
about 2/3rds thru and it appears so far to be something i can live/die with
die being get it done before i do, thats what drive me these days, get these
two products done before i check out, the hoodoo book of flowers, im good
everytime i look at it i will revise it, make it better, but im basically good
i suspect it will take me the end of the year to make rest for the weary viable
(in truth will probably need another summer woodshed for full potential), rate
im going i will have a viable draft, though i might have to squeeze schoolhouse
get a late fumbling start cause likely i will still be crunching it when the bell ring
school house gon be a fall semester grind cause ima maintain production
ima be driving myself into the ground but if i can do touchup thru semester and
throw down in december, i will have a good book - summer i will have a great book
but it will take will and discipline to not just turn in what i have in january, not to
just accept good (no it wont, my commitment to this book is absolute, fuck good)
did too much traveling this summer, id be thru with a draft had i sat my ass at home
instead of trekking that array mbira all over two continents, though i must say im still
on a high of the indian summer fest in vancouver, threw down
w/a string of great musicians and they gave me love
asking when we gon get to play together, sirish say next year
which has driven me back to the woodshed, i got to get good
a real musician instead of a wannabe, got to put in the hours
im gone, what i got to do right now is
clock some pages - all my love
rdoc
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