SATURDAY 3/24
my 1st stab at doing a 'personalized beat'
totally not working, tone issues, and i think i
jammed too many beats in there maybe
i dont have time to clean it up, i think ima
go thru text and do onne for each movement
then see what my arc look like before i try
to clean them up, just let it be bad, rick . . . .
i think where i went wrong is its too declarative
i got to tone it down, make it more reflective . .
or maybe i can wait and see what the arc looks like
give it some room to become reflective, trust myself
im tired, my brain is tired
ima go watch a good car chase movie
bonnie like to watch real movies that
make her think, i just want to shut my brain
down for a minute, ima watch thor:ragnorak
again, cause thats what heroes do
so this was the personalized beat
for 1st movement: consciousness
i need something that more reflects the
seeker sensibility i get on rootsblog posts:
im gone
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I want to be a hero, a champion of my race
I want the generations to love me
Im only on the planet for the shortest moment
my mentor, baba john killens, called on his legions
To be longdistance runners, which I interpret as the
longgame, shaping generations and I determine
My best bet for shaping generations given my skill set
Would be a holybook, My biggest challenge is
universalizing my text, my vision
I put a lot of ponderation on this, should I speak for blackfolk,
like I was trained, or do I speak for All humanity, all
humanity is the strong move, all humanity is the future,
but I cant leave blackfolk defenseless, all over
The world blackfolk are the despised of the earth, I cant
Accept that, and all over the world that aint on nobody but us,
Somehow someway we must transform into strengths the weaknesses
that have crippled us in global competition, as a trained cultural
orchestrator in the line of o killens and a practitioner of cultural
Custodianship in the high hoodoo tradition my understanding
Is that the viability of a culture is a factor of its indigenous spiritual
Traditions, I will empower and illuminate the hoodoo tradition
I will make of it an instrument of destinical redemption
By god and all that's holy I will
WED the 21st
"The plan to cut the liberal arts and humanities majors...is in line with a failed attempt by Republican Gov. Scott Walker in 2015 to secretly change the mission of the respected university system — known as the Wisconsin Idea and embedded in the state code — by removing words that commanded the university to “search for truth” and “improve the human condition” and replacing them with “meet the state’s workforce needs.”
MONDAY the 19th
hello world, im holding up
shut down research, just got tired of it
am working the notes now, categorizing them
putting all the pieces together, generating text
its a process, finished categorzing today
compiling and putting into text as raw script
once im done w/this phase i will process it
the photos are for marielle franco, brazilian sister
who was assassinated in rio, dont know if it was
gangs or the police, she was a scourge of both
bonnnie was tellling me about her funeral, 1000s
of folk showed her love, thats what i want
i want folk to love me for my service
ima have to give her some play iin HBOF
so i had lunch with me colleague, dana spiottta
she had read HBOF some drafts ago and had
said she had suggestions, i blew her off, i dont
really take suggestions fromm folk on my work
i just want to be told its working, keep rolling
but dana had one thing to say, she said i should
personalize it aand i explained that i was trying
to avoid setting myself up to be worshiipped
or some such by keeping my personal out
of my holybook but she start takling about
how havving a narrative thread would help it
and i told her how i had come to decide the last
third had to be personalized cause when it come
to god and grace and fate and fa and all i just
didnt have the answers i had in 1st 2/3rds
which was lifenotes and destinywork
so anyway now im considering doing personal beats
which is basically de geas of rickydoc, all the way thru
just got to address it w/the humility which will avoid the
prophets curse, starting to believe yoour own mythwork
just cause i think im gods gift to humanitty
dont mean i got to act like it
just this morning im going thru my notes when i run up
on these raw passages:
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the center of the universe is also its circumference, my basic meditational tech is what i call centering, this came from efforts to monitor the body processes, to move consciousness thruout the body and i would often hunt for the center of my consciousness, which i perceived to be my soul, and was not necessarily physical and i would settle there in the center and came up with concept that it would be good to align my center with the center of the universe as i perceive it, hard to explain beyond that but i have found it to be one of my most rewarding meditations/experiences, it's a very cosmic sensation and i have further put that sensation to use in other meditations
the only thing constant is that im just constantly being humbled, i remember when i thought i was the last of the big time hoodoomen, went online and not only did i find an entire community of hoodoo there but i am not necessarily one of the strongest, most of my buddies are stronger hoodoos, stronger magicians, stronger mystics, stronger everything, its damn near a criteria of rickydoc buddydom i think
what i am is historical,
thats my superpower
i feel like i owe you an apology, at this point i think i got to start getting personal, which i been trying to avoid but i am not longer confident in my speculations, i expect to be humbled, embarrassed at the shallowness of my understanding, it is also my understanding if what you wrote a year or 10 ago don't embarrass you it mean you aint growing and might as well go sit in the corner and stop cluttering up the field with your sorry carcass
i want to be a big thinker, i want to be a cosmic thinker, one of humanites great teachers, but i feel like all i do is keep squddering around in the mud. i remember an earlier version of the hoodoo book of flowers, it was called black power the will and the way and it was much more political and i read it in a workshop and doris jean said, 'darling its beneath you'
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so what ima do is put a geas by rickydoc beat
on each one of my 81 movements, then see if
it works and if it dont i will just cut it
im gone, ima do my work today, which
means ima have to throw down all week
on a schoolhouse grind just to catch up
also ive decided to try to tune up my array
i cant take it anymore, it dont sound like it
should and i just dont see packing it up
and sending it to california everytime it
gets out of tune, when its just a hair
out of tune i want to tune it and when its
way out of tune like it is now that dont work
ima get me a hex wrench and some needle
nose pliers and ima be real careful, ima
practice on the keys i dont rerally use 1st
thenn ima petitoin the gods and work the
ones i really use
im gone i got so much work to do
i can hear that clock ticking
one thing i want to do is when i do this revision
of the HBOF ima do an oral version over the
summer, while i still got voice and fingers,
neither which are not what they used to be,
that will also cause me to edit it down to the essential
performing a work you start cutting what aint essential
i got to go
all my love
truly
rdoc
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