SAT 5/29 11:06PM
between this and that i got thru 1 1/2 movements today
fell short of 3 badly, keep pushing,, get thru #2 before
i abandon ship, if i get thru #3 before daybreak i will
count that as todays win, assuming i get right onto
tomorrows 3, basically saying going for 5 today,
(impossible) just to maintain minimal discipline,
if i consistently dont make 3 i will have to go for 2
didnt realize it was going to be a real redpen, if
i get 5 today then 3 it is, you always start
unreasonable, then if it becomes clear you cant
make the grind you pull back to something you
can make, otherwise you discourage yourself
i want to do 3, ima try to catch up today but im
not feeling very confident, im kinda wore out
what that got to do w/getting your work done
im gone, i need to work
or i need to rest
all my love
rdoc
(god i want to be working on my novel, at
least get into it enuf to believe in it again)
SAT 5/29 3:28pm
i been putting dates on posts cause an olld colleague
mine, s pearl sharp, jacked me up about it, she say if
its for the record you should have dates
so im doing whati thought would be a read thru
of the hoodoo book of flowers, typos and shit
its turning out to be a real redpen, which is
cool, still just a read thru, just doing real revision
goal is 3 movements a day which will take 3 days
started reading rest and thinking about what to do w/it
i can see a path, just dont know if its a 2 month path
more like 6 months, i got to generate a lot of raw
manuscript to flesh out the 2nd half like they want
which i accept as a valid charge, i had that in
mind as part of my enrichment phase anyway
but some of my narrative licks they objecting to
im not going to try to channge, they object to
my temporal folds, like its a flaw but i workked
hard to achieve those, where i play wiht time
and conflate the past with the present and the
future, i figure its a work exploring prophecy
in which time is an instrument in destinic
orchestration or something like that, this
is an example of what they are objecting to:
------------------------
So. Our girl Ida making her way down a deserted Beale, ducking mobs and darting building to building but not really alert cause the street dead empty so she startle when a little black woman in an elaborate headtie beckon her into a doorway. Ida half tempted to keep going but something about the way the headtie woman beckon decide Ida to do what she say and no sooner than she duck into the shadow of the doorway that a murder mob turn the corner off Second. Ida go lawn jockey stil. Both her and her headtied benefactor. The mob almost upon them when it notice a blackman trying to go to ground down the way and begin to bay. It run in full pursuit past Idas door whilst in Virginia a nervous knot of runaways have gathered around the woman who had just groaned and fallen senseless to the ground. What kinda guide this is, one of them say, a burly young fieldhand with wife and child in tow, I wants to know is this the onliest conductor they got on this railroad. Quiet puppy, snarl the old soul in front of him. They had been told this might happen. That the conductor sometime pass out like that. Traveling, the old soul say beneath her breath. They been told when she leave like that she be back directly. Just be patient, they been told, she has never lost a passenger.
Well. Being told is one thing. Entirely another having it actually happen while you scared and defenseless in the dark. In the woods. Already spooked. First time off the plantation most of them. Now this. Those do pray did. Those didnt did too.
--------------------------------------
my stylee is throwing them off, rest for the weary and the
hoodoo book of flowers both, the industry is not feeling me
and i cant hardly blame them, but im almost 70 and
im set in my literary ways, ima do what i do, ima
make it better and ima bend time whenever i please
ive come to accept that it looks like im one of those
folk who didnt get any play in their lifetime and die
a failture and can onlyt hope that future generations
my primary audience, are more discerning
hopefully future generations
will show me some love
rdoc
FRI MAY 18, 2am
crippling fear, spinning my wheels fear
started reading rest, god im such a
stylist, makes clear sense to me, ok i got
to entertain folk while im doing all my
fancy footwork, i got to enrich all
the char interactions, the connections
partly the problem is i dont
know how i will satisfy what
ellens folk asking for, what i
got to do is put all that out of
my mind and do what i intended
all along, enrich enrich enrich
thats what i got to do, put all thoughts
of what the industry want out of my mind
go strictly on what does it take to make
this novel work on its own terms
what will make it shine
what i got to do now is just read it and
turn off my emotional attachment to it
just read it, dispassionately
read it, note what it need
im gone, all
my love
rdoc
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