in the studio

FRI 11/30 12:40 am

the mighty shadow has left us, some kind of cancer that moved quick
in like a week, bonnie was on top of it, knew something was wrong

man its been a hard semester

working on hbof in studio, been afraid to listen to it for fear
of discouraging myself but i can only hope it good

folk havent been getting back to me about my bovel thats
not a good sign, im close to giving up on it - no mas

my cohort is going to critique it, i dread it, i got
to remain resolute, i feel like this is the test

god help me

i have been to a port, a sanctuary,, the eye of the storm
and i found there a certain grace, my favorite form

the hbof has transformed itself on me
i can only hope its found its way

going to ghana to represent, do the opening
performance for the all africa peoples conf 60th
anniversary, got no idea what ima do w/that

i got to go, i got hbof text to prepare
for tomorrow, all my love,

rdoc

 

 

 

WED  11/21 5:09 am

this is the 1st draft thats been not research based
tihs is the 1st draft im cutting and i have cut half of
this book, from 400 pages to 209

i cut so much the 9 x 9 frame no longer worked
had too many segments that werent substantial
repetitive, slushy,  was trying to generate more

material for them, which was weak, and then it
decided to compact it from 9 x 9 to 7 x 9 and

put stuff like "tribulation' and 'adversity' together
it was like a major revision and again, im cutting
out a good decade of work, but if you look at it
another way i had to have that big lump of
narrative coal and now im squeezing out a diamond

im giong thru a period of anxiety about my work
that i work so hard and dont get any play and i
tell myself again it will workk for the generations
but i wonder if im just caught up in an illusion
and that my work will die when i do, i got to
make it happen, exist, the book, the musiic

then at least i got a chance

im gone, finished a drafr, got schoolhouse
manusceripts need doing, all my love

rdoc

 

 

TUES  11/20 8:29 am

thing about being an artist i never get to coast, im
always anxious cause im always trying something new, got
this unortho novel out there waiting to hear what folk think
doing 9 hours of recording im afraid to listen to for fear of
discouraging myself, & doing major revision of the hoodoo
book of flowers that has cut it by damn near half - and
depoliticized it - which makes me fear ive 'sold out' but
i had to universalize it, i had to, Fa demanded it, its
destinywork, the gods have demanded this of me
(trying to negotiate this god thing - holybook, duuh)

o im just a mess of creative anxiety but i love being an artist
all i can do is do what the creative passions say do, also
i got to work out my relationship w/the divinity, i fear ima
sound spacey going forward but such is life in the spirit

new look for blog, shorter postings, trembling hands preclude wordage
got to go cryptic, mystic, same same HBOF, i must count my words

all my love

rdoc

 

 

 

 

MON 11/19 4:32 am

hello world,, i have been in the studio

doing oral version of the hoodoo book of flowers
ive done 1 - 5, got 6 - 9 to go, im kinda discouraged
iots been a bo hawg grind and i havent even listened
to it for fear it sounds bad and i fear i will discourage
myself and its costing me a good little biit of change
and folk havent gotten back to me telling me how
good my novel is (excdept for you rod) so im kinda
feelijng doubtful now

but i said i was gon do this project and ima do it
cause i said i woujld and hope its better than i fear
all you can do is just do it, long as im able ima do it

im gone, be well

rdoc