hanging in there

wed 5/222:02pm

Hello all, been off the grid because of some glitch in my laptop
so im doing this post from desktop in office, until I figure out
Typepad laptop glitch I will come into office once a week & do this

Im so afraid, I have finished my holybook
supposed to give it to layout guy in two weeks

Two sections need work, one in which I name
all these African high gods, I gotta fact check that
got them mostly from mbetis prayers of African gods
read it years ago,, just ordered it so I can fact check

ima trust mbeti, and this website god check, was useful
I just know this whole text is riddled w/cultural errors,

and I fear it is not really moving, inspirational
I wish it could have all been obscure parables
but I have to directly speak on what I think
should be programmed into the culture

And in the final analyses what I got is what I got
ima trust my creative vision, if this is where it

Led me this is where I am, this book will
exist before the end of the summer, im done

other than the god segment and the section on grace
which im not yet happy with, grace still escapes me
but I got two weeks to work on it, grace will be there

so I finished the draft yesterday, got some maintenance
stuff need doing, left over rec for student, etc but now
I got to dig into novel serious, may is gone, I got to get
on it, this is a very vulnerable time, you look at the
text and all you can see is what need to be done

 

and you wonder if you can possibly do it this time
after having failed to do it right for the last 20 years

what makes you think this time will be any diff

 

but fuck it, win or lose, this what I do

and summer woodshed is when I do it

I work in sequences, ive pulled out the most problematic
Sequence, jubilation as prophet, the one that most has to work
And currently is not working as I need it, I read thru the

segment and all I hear is weak discordant notes, its depressing
But you have to just wade in and fucking hope, this what I do

struggle w/the page, I know folk want to be writers
but they aint willing to struggle w/the page

but this is it, im done, showtime - whatever don't work this
time just don't work, so I am afraid this might be it

the final failure, or, even worse,

I am afraid I am fooling myself and that this is not the final run
but that I will keep on repeating this beat unto eternity

Constantly checking myself unto eternity

Unto eternity, eternity