rootwork the rootsblog: a cyberhoodoo webspace

save us, rickydoc, gets me every time

july 27, 8:16 am (135 of 235)

okay, the goal was my birthday, or rather is my bday
the 30th, last two days I feel off my grind, did 16 pages
so now Im behind, 100 pages 4 days means i got to
clock 25 a day, not counting the 5 or so ive already
done this morning, showtime, rick, showtime

(and if i fail being a day or 2 off is okay)



july 24, 11:06 pm (119 of 233)

okay im averaging say 30 pages a day
& its good work, reading good, ima
go for a daily 30, see what happens

why does my top pg # keep going up
should be coming down as i extract slush

july 23, 8:07pm (pg 79 of 230)

got todays 20, still got a
little day left, we will see
im kinda wore out but i
dont want to quit

pace yoursel
20 a day

july 22, 8:13 am (pg 58 of 229)

a 35 page day, thats
what Im talkin about

rock it, rick

the difficulty is the emotional
rollercoaster, highs & lows
joy, pain, regret, elation, et al

each beat / para is designed
to evoke an emotional response

which means i have to inhabit
the emotional space

end of the day ima wreck
but 35 pgs makes it okay

all my love

---------------  

WARTS BEGONE

so back in the late 70s I would get these warts on my hands, and the VA would freeze them w/dry ice, burn them off w/chemicals, electrocute them, cut them out, they tried everything and my hands would be disfigured with horrid weeping wounds both front and back, knuckles, fingers and palms, palms were worst, cut my grip, and it would leave harsh round scars that are still there, and soon as one set was gone another would come and the VA say virus, nothing we can do but remove them so the old healer (I was a young healer then) start researching, virus the literature say, once its there its there but its often stress that triggers it and at the time I was a very stressed individual, intensity was like my secret weapon, but apparently intensity was killing me, I decided to move into ironic amusement instead,

so then I run up on a book by nathaniel rich that was all about the power of the mind and I started trying to calm myself down, get control of my mind, a powerful instrument that like to do what it please, I have to remind it all the time - I am master here -  so I sit down in front of my altar, which at the time was built around an ancient wooden milk case that I had found on the river and adorned with 101 fetishes and I learn how to put myself in a meditational trance and as a young conjuror-in-training got deeply into magical meditation, in which you create images of the reality you want to manifest and hold them until reality adjust itself to your vision, I got as obsessed with it as I do anything I attempt, overdid it, took it to the wall, so once I get the grip on magical meditation I sit one day in front of my altar and I center myself and I imagine my hands free of warts and boom, they disappeared, that was all I needed, I was like damn this meditation shit works, magic works, mind over matter can work, well at least mind over body,

been experimenting w/the potentially divine human mind ever since,
strictly scientific method, speculate experiment, speculate experiment,

hoodoo theology you got those two spirits, the home spirit and the traveling spirit, learned to ritually activate my traveling spirit and send it out on chosen tasks, astral projection basically, in my life i been on i been off, i been high i been low, but deep meditation has taken me places that astound me to this day, it is deep meditation that has made my life, and my work, magical, mystical, mythical,

CENTERING

so, you name it, I tried it, meditation, yoga, biofeedback, martial arts, anything that helped me control & discipline this beast of a mind that I love and treasure, this beast that so often tries to go off on its own, but the most significant meditational discipline far as Im concerned is what I call centering: an attempt to connect with the universal consciousness, the godhead, where every thought is a conjuration, making real into the world that which was not, where every thought changes things –

this meditational tech came from efforts to monitor the body processes, to move consciousness thruout the body, starting w/my 3^rd eye, when monitoring health Id move thru the body organ by organ, monitoring trouble spots, freeing up blockages, mending impending disabilities, etc, and I would often hunt for the center of my consciousness, which I perceived to be my soul, and Id settle there in the center and Just Be, just another speck of star dust in a universe thereof, and i came up with this concept that it would be good to align my center with the center of the universe - as I perceive it,

hard to explain beyond that but I have found it to be one of my most rewarding meditations / experiences, it's a very cosmic sensation and I have further put that dimensional reality to use in my ideological orchestrations, at the time I aspired to be one of, if not the, most significant forces of my times, which entail working at the crossroads, right piece right venue right time, I speculated that if I aligned myself with the center of the universe I would be one w/the godhead, and that this was a position of immense power in the world, cosmic power.

I speculated that the center of the universe is also its circumference, so in attempting to align myself with the center I was also attempting to encompass its totality, I cannot express in words this sensation, this clumsy attempt to embrace Divinity

occasionally I would be given a sign. I recall the time I was meditating on the river and it was a drizzly overcast day and I had slowed myself down so fully that I was suddenly conscious of the river air so full of tiny flying bugs I was surprised I wasn’t choking on them,, i was just breathing them in and out like air, and just then a beam of sunlight broke through the cloud cover and circled me, it was the most amazing experience, no lie, I felt chosen, still do,

me and god got an understanding

july 21, 6:58 am (pg 23 of 229)


work: afrolisa by awodiya tolu

last read thru before sending manuscript off
20 pages a day will get me done by jul 30
my 71st bday, a bday gift to myself

since i work single space thats a 40 pages a
day schedule, not very lilkely but if you only
do what a reasonable person would no work
gets done, reasonable does not an artiste make

showtime rick, 20 pages a day
will keep the blues away



feb 30, 7:02 pm  (pg 199 of 232)  (dont know where that date came from, its july)



ghana, 60^th anniversary of the all african peoples conference, horace campbell had convinced me to come at the last moment, they need to see you perform, he says, he convinces me, Ive got to pay my own way, my own hotel room, not only am I used to having that taken care of Im accustomed to being paid but its the all african peoples conference and at heart I am thoroughly pan african so I figure its worth it, Im all excited about being there amongst a multitude of pan african scholars, artists, activists, et al, dialoging the strategic issues of our times, feeding off all that pan african energy,  but when I showed up for my allotted slot, full regalia, medicine man cloak, 101 fetishes draped about, I was taken aback, and it was in a corner of the cafeteria, while folk were on multiple buffet lines, et al, and Im stunned, it is the worst venue Ive ever been subjected to, a corner of the cafeteria while folk eating, talking, catching up, and Im like for this I paid my own way, so instead of the meditative transcendental thing I like to do I had to yell and be all dramatic just to get their attention and it drew a little attentive crowd so it worked but it was nothing like what Im accustomed to, I am capable of moving the multitudes, swear fore god I am, so Im feeling a little depressed while packing my instrument away when this brother, robed and crowned, approaches me in a quiet moment and says my people are being genocided, will you do a song for us, I will get it before thousands (actually he said millions, I'm just trying to keep it real,) I will have it done in every village, he said fiercely, and I was so moved, and I was like the global griot strikes again but it turned out he was from cameroon and the situation is dicey, Horace was like don’t do it man, tribal, black on black, atrocities on both sides, and while horace was talking the brother passed us and heard it all and he gave me this stricken look of complete betrayal, the one brother in the whole joint who believed in my power, and I was like maybe I could heal the land, bring them all together, maybe I could this, maybe I could that, maybe I could just chill the fuck out, do you really think you can heal that riff, mr global griot, in your spare time I guess, but I will keep an eye on it, I like being wanted, i needed to be needed, save us rickydoc gets me every time

back in the saddle yall

jun 30th 11:21 am pm (pg 197 of 233)


at the pace im going i will be
done tomorrow,, maintain rick
humanity is depending on you

jun 30th 4:42 am pm (pg 192 of 233)

burnt the fuck out, crash landing, god im
tired, my mind has stopped working


jun 29th 9:07 am pm (pg 179 of 236)

pass through thiis by yeshua kloas

VEGGIES AT WHENGSHU TEMPLE

speaking of veggies, did I ever tell you about my experience at the wengshu temple in chengdu, my first year in china and I was tired of rice and noodles, I wanted some veggies and for a buddhist country veggies were hard to find, one veggie joint I heard about all the veggies were styled to be like meat and I don’t want my veggies to look / taste like meat, so there was this temple that they took us to and I often went back there, wenshu temple, plenty nature clad writing spots, and heard they had a legendary veggie restaurant but couldn’t find it and nobody spoke english, saw signs but no restaurant, so me and my TA went to find it, they had assigned me a TA to help with students, language issues and just getting around the city, in return I was expected to help her get to college in the states, recs and the like, we had a good relationship, she went w/me to help me find it, we wandered around the temple without finding it, later we found out they had moved it off location, down the street a ways, but then we only saw signs leading nowhere, I found a cafeteria layout with trestle tables, I was tired, so I sat there while my TA continued to look, soon there were bongs and such and folk started filing in, buddhist monks and layfolk, they sat, there was an open path down the middle, the monks sit on one side and facing them the layfolk and I of course was sitting among the orange clad monks front row, and Im not sure what to do but everybody studiously ignored me, acted like I wasn’t actually there actually, like I was an illusion, most of them I assume had never seen a black person before and there one was, sitting front row center, surrounded by buddhist monks, then we chanted for a half hour or so, me still trying to look like I belong, chanting away, and soon enough I got the rhthym of it and was actually chanting away, after the chanting done folk go get two bowls and some chopsticks, Im still sitting there, the only black in chengdu, folk consciously ignoring me when this old lady across from me decides she cant take it anymore and starts cussing me out in chinese, real hardcore, who let this foreign defiler in here, do you not see him sitting there - but no, shes not cussing me, shes chastizing the monks for their lack of buddhist hospitality, care for the stranger or something,-  one quickly brings me bowls and chopsticks, I thank him, I thank her, then they bring out these huge containers of food, broccoli, tofu noodles, carrots, onions, etc, all the essentials, and ladle them into our bowls, a bowl of veggies and a bowl of sticky rice - Im in heaven, I dont even like tofu, because of the consistency, but the tofu noodles were to die for, veggie spaghetti was what it was, with mostly broccoli, my favorite, so Im working the chopsticks, not too well but whose complaining, my benefactor, thats who, she chastizes the monks again, in that irritated tone the chinese do so well, sound like they mad at you but not really - the monks hasten to bring me a spoon, I thank her again, a smile, a little bow, the hand over the heart, I eat my fill, god it was good, - so Im siting there, empty bowl and full belly, wondering what now when my TA comes back in and whispers to me we have to leave, you arent supposed to be here, she told me, I told them you were a buddhist, she say, like they didn’t know better - we slip out the back, me bowing profusely to my benefactor, smile on my face, smile on hers, everybody staring while pretending not to, buncha smilers showering me w/grace - best meal I had in the 3 summers I spent in china, in fact one of my best meals ever in life - I often wear prayer beads these days, for meditative moments, I often think of that meal when I do, remembering the grace of buddha

jun 28th 10:04 pm (pg 173 of 235)

ok, its so diff to step away from the zone
but im about to pass out from low sugar

im gone for real this time

jun 28th 9:09 pm (pg 170 of 235)



wow, 22 pages and still got day left and feeling
strong cause i only got 60 pages to go, 3 days
if ii can maintain the grind (4 if i cant)

only question then is do i then send it off as is
or do i let it get cold a week or so and read thru
it one more time, which will make it stronger
patience puppy, do it right, do it strong

keeping a record here helps keep me
focused to see the pg count growing

im gone, i have not eaten, i need food
im in the zone, where all you want to do
is work, dont want to eat, or sleep or
nothing, just want to ride the whirlwind



jun 27, 1:35 am (pg 148 of 238)

did not do 20, did not catch up, did 1 apparently

but i was able to get out of bed this morning
with neglible pain, so it is a pinched nerve
work wiith it, adjust sitting at computer

which i do like 10 to 15 hours a day
god Im tiired, maybe i need a day off

 

jun 26, 2:49 am (pg 147 of 240)

okay, 17 pages, almost 20, ima count this w/yesterdays
haul, now if i get 23 pages done today im caught up

i think it was a pinched nerve instead of
dreaded hip issues, i cant take another cut
so im changing my sitting routine and hoping

i have literally been unable too get out of bed in
morning because of the pain and have to move
leg around before Im functional, oh well . . .

im so tired of this memoir
im so tired of me me me - and daily
roller coaster emotional registers
that make the narrative worthwhile

it leaves me drained,

spiritually, mentally and emotionally
exhausted, every day and bored
the same thing hour after hour after
hour but i aint complaining dear
reader, i love the life

struggling w/the page
everyday, all day

you can do this rick
this what writers do

jun 25, 11:12pm (pg 133 of 240)

just 11 pages, take a
break, keep stepping

lost 7 off the top, that
means slush got cut


jun 24, 9:27am (122 of 247)

i had said i was gon do a segment every day
but i got self conscious about it, just did this one &
it moved me, couldnt get out of bed this morning
my hip was hurting so bad, had to use a cane
to get to bathroom, Im in decline, body a wreck
but long as the mind still good Im good . . .

--------------------  

MFA GRADUATION: A CONV W/LING NA

I always use the graduation ceremony as a motivational speaker moment, trying to inspire and reassure my students, in particular the ones I worked on their thesis - most of the time I have to tell folk i dont think this draft is ready for prime time just yet, got to hit it again, full court rewrite, thats always a bummer, sometimes my frankness discourages folk, often my advice just alienates young writers and makes me feel like Im wasting my own writing time, trying so hard to be frank, easier to just stroke folk, but if you really believe in their potential you got to give it to them straight - hope they finesse it, take it to higherground, cause this a sacred calling this thing, and it will eat your life, cant let folk waste life and all soulwork it takes to write a novel, to put long hard and sacrificial years on a fantasy cause I didnt tell them the truth, my basic mode is to encourage encourage encourage, eyes wide open and in full knowledge of the odds - helping folk make books is a skill in which I have been trained, it is a skill of which I am proud - unleashing young talent is what I do, each unto self an army, and it has become my my hoodoo specialty, enable an artist you blessing them and everybody their work touches, but it is a very delicate process, fiddling with their souls like that - give them the wrong suggestions and they lose years wandering down side streets, perhaps never ever to find their way back to their true path - over at the schoolhouse me and ling na been tussling over her thesis, Ive cautiously but insistently suggested it could not stay where it was  - I feared I had lost her, sometimes the visions just arent compatible, what you say of no use to them but at the graduation ceremony ling na read a poem, ling na made me cry

   conversation over the chessboard

         the earth is our chessboard
i make the last move and say to arthur
      my army went across the river
   he blows away the mist and says
         you lost your last soldier
    it feels like a million years before I
         find the beheaded soldiers
           runaway commanders
        broken swords in the water
            I then say to arthur
      I can never get across the river
he says, you will, you need a new army
                   and time

jun 23, 6:07 (11 of 248)

had 100 yesterday, i think i can do 9 more
that would be 20 a day, a week left to do
7 days, lets put a day off in there, 8 days

jun 21, 8:35 pm (80 pg of 250)

didnt work yesterday so did 40 pages today
but they kind weak, probably rework them
before moving forward, we will see

 

jun 19, 11:30 jun 18th, 11:58 pm (55 of 251 pgs)

40 pages today, 41 actually, you know what that means right
means its reading better than i feared, no stumbles so far
where you got to stop and rewrite the passage, im rolling . .

what up world, been s while,, i been workling
just aint been chroniclling, just started a new draft
trying to see what my daily grind gon be
i did 15 today, so thats my baseline
see if i can get 20 tomoow, if its still just
15 that will be the goal, we shalll, see
its 15 good pages.. reads good so far

20 pages a day with 2days off will be 100
pages a week, lets say 2 weeks, i can live
w/that, 15 about 3 weeks, unaccepptable . .