FEB 16
marlons new book so good, so much
what i aspire to and am incapable of
writing and i sent him a congratulatory
note thru our mutual agent and i was like
what if he is dismissive and i have put
myself out for naught and i got folk who
have not responded to manuscripts and
i just got so much anxitiy clawing at me
i get all panicky about folk not responding
to overtures but i got to be beyond that
i got to express my truths and accept
the costs, im 72 this year, i just dont
feel like a lot of unearned anxities
im not feeling it
marlolns novel has humbled me
i want once again to abandon the
phantom, but i simply dont know how
got to go, need to clock pages
the anxieties they never go away
you just keep working
i look forward to next revision of
my memoir, im still growing and
it will affect closure, working on
two texts, life as pilgrimage and
one about eldership and both
are evolving me, gotta go
gotta clock some pages
i should be doing all these speculations
on social media but i dont like writing
for likes
FEB15,
reading marlon james new book
the book i seem to be incapable
of writing, i believe something
in me has broken, something
has given up, i have to accept
im not the great writer i have
always aspired to be, i dont even
appear to be a good writer
much less great
ima finisnh this novel
ima finish my other projects
but i no longer expect success
ima keep writing till the bell
rings cause thats what i do
and give marlon his props
im done
PS
interesting this recent attitude
something has shifted, not sure what
will still be doing my daily grind
that is not gon change
but there is something in me that
is in process of disengaging
interesting
in the book of pilgrimage i talk about
some part of you has to be disengaged
no matter how im portant the moment
the effort, some part of you has to be
above it all, disengaged from benefit
or somethnig, whatever it is
im feeling the faint stirring
also getting into training my students
thats been a rewarding process
wrote this announcement for FB
then decided against begging
i will put it here where only
folk who really interested
will find it
Hello all, as part of my closure, I am taking on students in literary hoodoo, manifesting the indigenous afroam spiritual system thru works of art that function as cultural custodianship, which I perceive to be a manifestation of the tribal soul, that we administer to by accentuating the positive, eliminating the negative, custodial hoodoo that takes responsibility for the welfare of your chosen community, the tribal medicine person, what I also call high hoodoo, working with high magic over folk, playing w/reality, contributions to the enhancement of the human condition, oneness with divinity, a conjunction of mind will and way that utilizes time proven magical and ideological technology to shape the future, to forge reality, gujide and guardian of human destiny, I am not interested in folk magic, nor a bunch of students, who got time, but this phase of my life arc I am open to inquiries,
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FEB 12, still lost 1:53 am
all the pieces scattered
all over the garage floor
where they go i do not know
amd wont until july or so
woe o woe o woe
(took it out, rod, it was
too muich process)
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