tues10:46 pm pg 36 of 92, the cuse
took labor day off
so sue me
sun 12:40 pm pg 34 of 92, the cuse
getting harder to keep going,
earliest sections always easier
movingg at a good clip
cause the historical work
civil war memphis, its the
holycity memphis i gotta fix
the high hoodoo mythwork
goot to go dunal up in here
friday, pg 21 of 92
hello world, im in,, took me a minute
the doubts and anxieties had me reeling
when you 1st start a new draft alll you see is whats wrong
been working on this novel 20 years now
no reason to think this draft will work any better
than the others,, if it was just the industry id say okay
not my time yet, but my friends arent moved by it either
folk who would give me any benefit of the doubt, and I
myself am dismayed by the surplus of shallow beats
i fear i have a juneteenth on my
hands - ellisons lifelong futility
i am in despair of it ever workinng, specially as
i age out but what else ima do with my days
since the industry has said no i can just dispense
with any focus on what the industry want, imma
let my narrative freak flag fly, i am
a stylist by god and all thats holy
a fucking stylist, i just gootta make my
voice work - while i still got chops
so i kept trying to get in and not findinng a grip
then i decided i would change 2nd person to 1st
trying to make it easy on reader when i can
have decided no llonger trying to please agent industry
or readers even, this gon be a dialogue between me
and the generations and i abandoned all ellens suggestions
thru the years about making it more accessible been reading joyce
to give myself permission to do whatever the fuck i please
so chaging the pov gave me a grip
1st was changing to 1st but i wasn't feeling 1st
sounded like just a more fanciful version of my memoir
im too self absorbed for 1st, so doing iit in 3rd
and its working, force marching thru, goal is 5 pgs a day
did 15 yesterday but the early stages always easier
and not really allowibg myself to be stopped
doing what i can do to make it viable script
as i go thru but if it reallly needs attention
i just bold that passage to indicate it needs
work, im foorce marching nw, taking out what
obviously dont work no more and enriching
what i can enrich without losing my momentum
if i do my 5 pgs that day i can clean up passages
and whatever, did song yesterday on mi handpan
staggerlee and the conqueror at the crossroads
(doing an album on sacred memphis
w/what i learned in vancouver))
ii got to go, got to get back to work
im in the zone and im going to have a
viable draft in 3 weeks, swear fore god i am
then spend the rest of the year
enriching the bolded passages
life is good, one more draft, lord
one more draft
my neighbor had a stroke,
praying for him
one more draft
all my love
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